ACL Tear... Take 2? [Say It Ain't So!] .. 3+ years post-LH-op

On Sunday I was playing outdoor co-ed soccer. We won our first game, which led to a second game since it's playoff time. Weather was windy, but beautiful, and we had a nice full team (which meant plenty of subs). My hubby and daughter were even there to spectate.

Around the middle of the second half we were down 2-0. Maybe more. We were probably not going to win this game, but we were having a good time anyway. The other team had 2 or 3 guys that consistently came up the middle of the field, had crisp passing and dribbling between them, and it often resulted in a shot on our goal, or a mad scramble by our defense.

I subbed in on defense (outside of my normal comfort zone of midfield) and was marking one of the guys with fancy footwork. He'd made his way by me a time or two, but I kept pressure on him when I could, to give our goalie a break if nothing else! My eyes were on the ball, I'm planting and cutting to keep up with him dribbling the ball this-way-and-that when....

CRUNCH. *I collapse*

I saw it happen. To be honest, I'm not sure where the ball started or ended up. Or if the other player and I even made contact or if it was just my planting and pushing that made this happen. But the upper and lower half of my right (non-reconstructed) leg seemed to move independently of each other, in a side-to-side direction.  No bones were sticking out, so that was good. No blood... also good. Kneecap looks to be in place, and I could move my toes, my ankle.. even bend and straighten my knee-- a little. But no one should have to watch their own leg appear to become dislocated momentarily. It's just scary, especially given my experience with the other knee!

So here I was, laying on the ground, gripping my right knee/leg. The tears didn't start to flow. Some primal groaning may have followed my collapse, but once that subsided, all I could think was... No, please no. Not again. Lord Almighty, we don't talk much, but please please please with a cherry on top, do NOT let this be a torn ACL. 

I can get over the fact that I would have surgery and rehab again. I know I'm capable and I bet my body is too. But now I have a 9.5 month old daughter who is just starting to get mobile and requires constant supervision. If I can't quickly react when she gets herself into a sticky situation, it puts her at risk, not just me. Putting her to bed or playing with her in our basement means carrying her up and down stairs and God forbid my knee were to buckle with her in my arms. These are the things I'm having a hard time accepting. Everyone knows it's not about me anymore!!

Whether it's a sprain, hyper extension or torn ligament, I've been vigilant about RICEing (Rest, Ice, Compress, Elevate) when I can. I'm walking at a snails pace to be sure I don't do any more damage, yet I'm still feeling the instability of my leg when I do certain movements. I do not recall such instability last time (when I was convinced it was NOT a torn ACL prior to having it checked out) so... as much as I try to keep my sunny disposition, I'm also sort of expecting the worst but hoping for the best.

So, tomorrow (6/6) I see my good man Dr. Jeff Shapiro bright and early and we'll see if he can put my mind at ease. If not, this poor blog may come right back to life.  I like blogging as much as the next girl, but I really was hoping I could stick to my yearly "everything is still fabulous" updates and leave the ACL surgery behind!!

Fingers crossed, y'all!