'Knee'd to Know Basis: My Personal Experience of ACL Tear and Reconstruction

2 years Post Op

2011-04-08T11:28:00.000-04:00

It's crazy to think it's only been 2 years since ACL surgery-- it seems like it was ages ago, and I credit that to getting back to 'normal life' and feeling good in respect to the knee and otherwise!

Any uncomfortable feelings that popped up around 1.5 years post-op have since subsided and I no longer have unexpected popping or discomfort. The only times I can expect to be slightly annoyed are if I keep my leg in a bent position for an extended time (either sitting on my heel, or leg crossed underneath me - any time the knee is tightly bent) or sometimes with kneeling. I have tried to get back into yoga and have wrapped up an egg-carton foam piece and brought it to my classes for kneeling poses.

Sports and activities up until the end of last year continued as I wanted ... I was playing year-round indoor soccer and outdoor in the summer, indoor volleyball (though I longed for sand in the summer but didn't have a team...), ultimate Frisbee pick-up games in the fall and the occasional yoga class. The diversity of these activities didn't seem to matter as the knee held up fabulously!

In mid-December I learned of yet another change to my body that would impact my sports involvement... I got PREGNANT! So, while I was bummed to have to bow out of my soccer teams and push aside the idea of getting another indoor volleyball team together - at least this time it was something that I wanted to happen! :) Luckily I still was able to sneak in 2 days of snowboarding in Boise over the Christmas holiday to get my taste of the snow for the winter since this meant missing an annual week-long trip out west.

Next week (April 14, 2011) marks my 2 year ACL surgery anniversary, and I'll be 21.5 weeks pregnant (more than halfway to the August due date!). I've learned that in pregnancy I am becoming more susceptible to pulled / torn muscles and ligaments and over-stretching, etc as my body releases the Relaxin hormone to "loosen" my body for delivery. This, and the pregnancy in general, means my activity regimen has been reduced to running or walking on the treadmill as well as yoga classes that vary in difficulty. By being aware of my limits and also knowing I want to avoid any other unnecessary medical procedures, I hope to keep myself healthy and uninjured!

Of course this means that this spring and summer I will be back on the sidelines but I plan to once again cheer on my hubby and friends who play on my adored sports teams so they'll have me back after the baby is born!! Otherwise, all ACL-related feelings are very much 'back to normal' and I hope to keep it that way!

Unexpected Feelings (1.5 yrs Post-Op)

2010-10-15T09:21:00.006-04:00

Generally I try to think positively about my knee. I've long since gotten back to most of my favorite activities (and most recently- indoor volleyball!) and being out and active gives me the impression that I'm 'all better' even if I openly admit that my surgical leg still has a smaller quad and some actions, such as jumping in place on one leg, feel decidedly different from one leg to the other.

In the last few weeks my surgical knee has been feeling... different. It seems to be a combination of feelings, not necessarily at once, that's had me mentioning to family and friends that it feels "funny". For example:

In day-to-day motions my knee will suddenly feel tight like it's about to pop or crack to relieve the tight feeling. Sometimes it does pop or crack, other times I stop quickly enough where it feels like it got on the cusp of popping, but I change my motion to avoid it. The times that it does pop or crack is not painful, but slightly annoying.
When sitting on a chair, with my legs straight out in front of me, I will apply a little pressure just below my patella (to the area where my graft was taken from). Keeping this pressure, I first flex my legs (straighten) and then start to bend them slightly (both legs at the same time). My surgical patella will sometimes feel like it's 'catching' or even 'grinding' as it slides up during the bend. I realize this is a very specific motion / feeling, but the engineer in me wants to put the knee in certain situations to see how it reacts compared to the non-surgical side!
No matter how much I try to stretch, loosen, warm-up or manipulate my surgical knee, it seems to have a feeling like the pieces of the joint are not allowed to move as freely as the non-surgical knee. Imagine a non-surgical knee being surrounded by water whereas the surgical knee feels like it's moving through something thicker- like jello or pudding. Not painful, or even limiting, just... different.
It's since gone away, but at one point when I would straighten and flex my surgical leg there seemed to be a popping noise at the BACK of my knee, towards the inside. I seem to recall this happening during rehab, and we attributed it to the swelling in the knee pushing parts of the joint out of place and hitting nearby veins/tendons/what-have-yous. So, either that was just a guess at the time, or perhaps there was some additional swelling in my knee recently to bring me back to that feeling. Either way, that particular popping/uncomfortable feeling has since passed.

I think with the change in weather and also sports seasons, now would be a good time for me to reconsider a continuous 'rehab' plan for my knee. I've got a BOSU ball that's gathering dust, and don't spend nearly enough time stretching before my various sports. I think it would be wise for me to get out for a run and some PT-like exercises more often before Michigan's winter weather sets in and I'm forced to strictly indoor activities.

On a lighter note, whenever I'm in the middle of an activity, the knee doesn't pop (that I notice!) or have any continuous feelings of pain or soreness that limit me. Perhaps it's that I'm distracted with the sports, or that in the faster movements the knee is performing like it's been (re-)designed to!

Back to Bangin'! [1 yr 5 months Post-Op]

2010-09-16T11:18:00.005-04:00

When I played club volleyball at MSU we called ourselves The Bangers... and I must say, I miss the old days of organized volleyball where you actually practice and make plays and have players designated for specific positions...! While I may never go back to that level of play, I was more than happy to jump on the court with a new co-ed team last night. Our team, cleverly named 'How to Kill a Blocking Nerd', is new to playing together but once we find our groove, it'll be even more fun than last night's first attempt!

As far as the ACL/Knee... My girlfriend Wendy (who had the same doctor/surgery I did) and I did a quick check post-match... "How's it feel?"

Truth be told, the knee didn't stop me at all. I may not jump as high as I used to or be as quick to react, but I don't think it's the knee that is to blame! Throughout the game there was jumping, lunging (both forward and sideways), side-shuffles and quick sprints and I never felt like the knee put me at a disadvantage.

Post-match my surgical knee did feel a little 'tighter' than the other, but barely. The only difference I really felt as we walked away from the gym was that my non-surgical quad was feeling a little sore/ over used, most likely due to some overcompensation that I'm not aware of when it's occurring during plays.

Day-to-day knee is pretty much consistent with previous posts... Feels good and comparable to the other leg, even if surgical leg quad muscle remain slightly smaller. POPing noise still occurs when going from a stretched (straight) leg to slightly bent, but with no pain (like cracking a knuckle).

I hope anyone else who's had the surgery is able to get back to their favorite activities in a timely fashion... it makes it easy to forget the long hard road it's taken to get to this point! ;)

Where Did the Time Go?! [1 yr post-op]

2010-04-16T09:48:00.004-04:00

As 4/14/10 snuck up on me, I found myself plenty occupied with the current going-ons in my life, like my recent purchase of a new home and my 1-month away nuptials. It's funny how no matter what is going on in your life at any given time, it seems to consume you, as if that's the way it's always been!

I remember just 1 year ago when I had been consumed by preparing for surgery by cleaning the house, changing to a removable shower-head, having books and snacks handy right next to the couch where I knew I'd be spending numerous hours... Even so far as to drive by the hospital (which is about 1 mile from where I live) and do a 'dry run' to find out what entrance to go in, where my mom and Eric would park the car... I wanted to be an educated patient in every way!

No matter the googling, blog reading or 'dry runs', nothing quite prepares you for a surgery you've never had. Being that this was also the ONLY surgery / medical issue I've had beyond a sprained ankle, it was definitely a journey for me and I'm glad to have the blog (though my re-reads are sparse) to have tracked my ups and downs along the way.

And, the real reason of the post- A 1-year post-op update! I am happy to say that life is "back to normal" when it comes to activities. Indoor soccer is finishing up in the next few weeks and this was my major hurdle seeing as how there is so much contact, cutting, turning and leg-tangling in indoor soccer compared to outdoor. I used to get VERY nervous before the games and caught myself being 'careful' which to the untrained (and trained!) eye actually equated to 'awkward'! But I have gotten more confident and even in our game last night there was some cutting and a few knee-banging, leg-tangling plays that definitely make me think twice about how it could potentially put me back in Dr. Shapiro's hands. Luckily, beyond some bruising or soreness, indoor soccer hasn't given my knee any trouble.

And my other activities- ultimate frisbee last fall, snowboarding this winter, hitting the driving range, outdoor soccer starting up last weekend, softball pre-season practice... have all proven OK to play! I'm yet to get back onto a volleyball court, but that's more a combination of busy schedule and lack of opportunity than it is any fear/ protectiveness of my knee!

In day-to-day,

I still get a popping noise sometimes when going from extended to bent leg.
My surgical quad is still smaller than my non-surgical.
I've noticed very faint 'grinding' noises in my knee as I go from a fully squatted position to standing--but I also hear something similar in my non-surgical knee, so I wonder if that is just use and age!!
I'm no longer doing any re-hab or PT aimed at my knee- only participating in aforementioned sports! Now that weather is getting nicer I hope to get out and run and perhaps start thinking about a half marathon!
Incision looks good. Still a white scarred line from the incision, but it blends pretty well into surrounding skin and moves freely on top of my knee
I have spotty numbness to the outside of my incision area, but a relatively small area.

So, all is well here! I stopped into my re-hab spot yesterday, as it's close to my work, and just being there reminded me of the fears, tears and milestones that accompanied knee surgery... and as nice as it was to see some of the trainers and boast of how well the knee is holding up -- I hope I never have to return unless it's again by my own choice to visit!

P.S. [1 yr after initial injury]

2010-02-26T18:37:00.004-05:00

March 1, 2009.

That's when I heard the *pop*.

Here we are, just shy of my 1 year injury anniversary. Even my fellow ACL rehabber, Wendy, so kindly reminded me of this with a cute e-card! But in all honesty it makes me look back at the whole process and my comeback trail and smirk at the ups and downs it created for me. As I've said before, prior to that, I hadn't had so much as a stitch (ok, I admit... a cavity) and the surgery and rehab was like nothing I'd experienced before. That said... I am grateful for it. Going through a physical (which becomes mental) challenge, no matter how small, lets you learn something about yourself. How do I handle pain? Goals? Setbacks? Rehab? I'm not saying I wouldn't have done a few things differently, but I know myself a little better now, and can pass any knowledge and experience, however trivial, to people who are going through the same thing.

And now... to cross the 1 year post-op anniversary...! (And when in the heck am I gonna play volleyball again?!) ;)

Tearin' it Up (The Good Way!) in Tahoe [10.5 Month Post-Op]

2010-02-26T17:44:00.005-05:00

I had the pleasure of being able to go to Tahoe for 4 days of snowboarding last weekend, and just in time for some fresh powder to plow through! I had gotten back on my board in December for a few hours in up north Michigan, but that was no indication of how hitting the slopes for 6-7 hours per day would treat my surgical knee!

Let me take away the suspense and say... it was a GREAT SUCCESS!! Prior to the trip I thought of bringing an ice bag or extra motrin (even some leftover vicodin, in case??) but I threw caution to the wind when packing and figured I'd just play it by ear. In the end, while my body did get exhausted over the trip (as a high elevation, shreddin'-up-the-mountain-all-day-long kind of trip will do!) but I never felt like my knee was the cause of many aches or pains, specifically.

One real worry of mine was being partially strapped into my board when heading for a lift or traversing a flatter trail. My surgical leg is my lead leg, so it was the one that was still strapped to the board. This meant as I "skateboarded" along, my surgical leg was sideways (outside of the foot headed forward, toes pointed right) while the rest of my body wanted to face entirely forward and then push along on the board. This meant extra twisting in my surgical knee and if, god forbid, I lost my balance or caught an edge of the board and took a spill, this knee I've worked so hard on could take the brunt of it. Luckily, nothing of the sort happened, despite the handful of spills I did take over the course of the trip!

There were a few times when I thought my knee was getting tired or twisted too much; even the weight of the board hanging from that leg as we rode lift after lift seemed a little bothersome after a while! But in the end there was no additional soreness or swelling to make me believe that what I *thought* was a little extra pain was probably just the same 'ol feeling.

All this said, here's a little entertainment, and one of the times I was grateful for a few inches of fresh powder to break my fall.... ;)

I guess I can check another fave activity off the list of things I've yet to do post-op. Hooray for a reconstructed ACL!

Less Blogs = All is Well! [9.5 Months Post-Op]

2010-02-01T19:22:00.003-05:00

When you're not breaking through milestones every day, (or even every week) it is hard to find the time and make the effort to blog! Sometimes the 14th of any given month will come and go, and I do think "I should blog with a 'x month update'" but in all honesty, I don't have much new news to share!

I can say that I have gotten very comfortable, and between that, being busy with wedding planning and not having access to a gym, my only 'workouts' are a few soccer games here and there. Even my last post suggested I'd be hitting the slopes hard and give my knee a real run for it's money, but out of the 3 day weekend, we probably snowboarded for about 4 hours, and I spent lots of time on the bunny hill trying to teach my girlfriend Jess! [note to self: snowboard instructor may not be a career choice for me!].

However, as per tradition, we still have our one big ski trip of the year coming up. Last year, it was Salt Lake City and 1 day after I got home was when I tore my ACL playing flag football. So, this will be a triumphant return to the slopes as we head to Tahoe for 6 days, 4 of which we'll be snowboarding!! Hopefully I'll have something blog-worthy (in a positive way...) after our trip at the end of February!

Otherwise, the knee is holding up well, and with the exception of a little 'pop' sometimes when going from a flexed (straight) leg to slightly bent, there's no daily reminder of my reconstructed ACL!

Snow, Here I Come! [8+ Months Post-Op]

2009-12-17T13:19:00.003-05:00

Things, thankfully, continue to remain 'normal' in respect to my surgical leg. We're nearing the end of the first indoor soccer season, and while I'm still a little nervous pre-game, I can tell there's improvement in my confidence of my knee, and I no longer hold my breath when someone's coming at me kind of hard, or if I get caught up in a play and think there's potential for knee injury. Starting to roll with the game more smoothly is yet another milestone.

Ultimate Frisbee has ended for the season (for some reason frozen ground is not ideal..!) so after the holidays I'll have to find something besides soccer 1 day/week to keep the knee moving and the muscles strong. Perhaps the BOSU will come in handy here.

All little update details aside, tonight I will be heading to northern Michigan to get back up on the snowboard which I haven't ridden since days before I tore my ACL last March 1!! I was so excited to dust off the 'ol board bag and load up on thermals and snow gear. I will take it easy to start (as the first few runs of every season feel like learning all over again!) but expect to feel nice and strong over the 2 days of boarding! One challenge I expect to face is any kneeling on the snow while strapped into the board. Having a stationary foot in respect to a large board is a challenge either way, and I want to be aware of my motions so I don't do any unnecessary twisting!

Until the next update... Happy Holidays to all!! :)

Back to Reality [7+ Months Post-Op]

2009-11-20T16:34:00.004-05:00

Between the whirlwind weekends and evenings, and the shorter days which make me want to crawl into bed at 7pm, I'm sorry that I've been away from the blog so long... So here I am, reporting for blogging duty!

The fun news is that life is mostly back to normal, and now that I've a few more indoor soccer games under my belt (and yes, since you asked, I scored a goal last night! hehe) I see I am still timid, but getting a little better with each game in respect to my knee. Unrelated to my knee, I could definitely use some more skills when the ball is at my feet!

Ultimate frisbee is still going strong on most weekends, and that plus soccer is pretty much the sum of my activity. Although one exception was my halloween costume, which ironically is based on a SNL character whose signature move is lunging. I was more than proud to show off my 'Superstar' moves to anyone who asked! But halloween aside, I willingly admit that I have not been focusing on my knee like I should, and I hope to change that -- after Thanksgiving!

Day-to-day activities (including stairs) feel good, and even lunging or squatting while on the BOSU don't seem to induce any pain in my knee. The one movement I can think of which does bring on a twinge of pain is when I am standing on only my surgical leg and I do a one-legged hop. If the knee doesn't bend much, there is little to no pain. However, if I try to bend more to get lower to the ground and then push off and try to repeat this motion a few more times, there is definitely an uncomfortable feeling. I wonder if this is directly related to my patellar tendon (which is what was used to reconstruct my ACL)? I would guess yes.

Lastly, the 'popping' in the kneecap when going from straightened to slightly bent has been happening less and less with time. Typically when it DOES happen, it is just the once and I can't recreate the popping again right away. I think more muscle work on my quad would help eliminate this noise/feeling-- we shall see!

I'd like to say: I consider anyone who's been through, going through, or will be going through this whole ACL mess is a SUPERSTAR! :)

Indoor Soccer... Finally! [6.5 Months Post-Op]

2009-10-30T16:45:00.002-04:00

My last indoor soccer game, I believe, was 2/12/09. I missed 2 games when I went on my Utah snowboard trip, and when I returned home I promptly tore my ACL and was out until ... well, now!

Last night I was happy to be back (even though I am far from a star player)! Having played ultimate frisbee for a few weekends now had me somewhat prepared for the stop-and-go as well as quick changes of directions... But, as my teammate Berkley John so kindly put it, when I play UF "no one's trying to kill me" because we're all friends and it's just pick-up. That said, there were a few times when I saw more than one person coming hard at a ball and I was definitely more timid than usual... but in my defense, I feel like last night's team was pretty talented with lots of fast, aggressive players, so perhaps it was the right way for me to play. With time, I'm sure I'll get more comfortable out there (and, hopefully back in 'soccer shape' so I can handle the more sprint-like running!). Until then, all I can do is keep showing up and try to get better-- which would have been the case, injury or not!

One exciting point in the game was a sweet pass to fellow post-op teammate, Jordan (who is just returning from back surgery). It was a textbook play, with the ball going from me, right onto his foot, and moments later, hitting the back of the net. Just try and call us gimps! ;)

Typical Recovery Period? Check. [6 Months Post-Op]

2009-10-14T21:52:00.006-04:00

6 months have passed since I went under Dr. Shapiro's knife, and I'm delighted to have this blog to go back and remember some of those specifics that are so easily forgotten as the 'light at the end of the tunnel' comes into view. I've now gotten back to try some of my fave sports (soccer, ultimate frisbee) which was my ultimate goal. Soon indoor soccer will start up, and perhaps I can even sub on some volleyball teams this winter... But more importantly, I've made it through the 'typical' 6 month recovery, and have reached some other goals:

Walking without a limp
Running (not rumping!)
Reaching pre-surgical leg strength (using 1-leg press as a judge)
Gaining most (but not all - yet!) of my quad muscle mass back
I've got back my entire Range of Motion (ROM) with the exception of a little hyperextension (Dr. S said it's not necessary to get this back anyhow...)
My balance and control is comparable to pre-surgery, just lacking a bit still
For the most part, I have 'forgotten' about the knee and can enjoy my normal lifestyle!! Yippee!

Some other items of note:

There is still some numbness to the outside of where the incision was made, but seems to be reduced
Kneeling (think: yoga) is an odd sensation (probably due to partial numbness) which I believe my mind tricks me into thinking is painful, but it really isn't too bad, just uncomfortable
On days after lots of activity my NON-surgical leg is sometimes sore, suggesting I still overcompensate
I typically don't feel a difference as I go down stairs anymore, but on the aforementioned 'sore' days, that old feeling creeps back in a little

I must admit, I've gotten a little lazy in my "workouts" and it doesn't help that I don't belong to a gym. I am hoping that returning to some sports and having my BOSU ball at home in these cold/dark evenings will keep me moving and hopefully motivate me to have some level of 'rehab' at home as winter sets in!

For Wendy (who 'rumped' for the first time yesterday at 5 weeks post-op!) and Bill, who went under the knife this morning -- Keep your eye on the prize! It will be worth it in the end!

For anyone else who finds or reads my blog- I hope it's useful and if you ever want to 'comment', I'm happy to give you my take on the "ACL Journey", or just hear how you're doing or about your experience!

My next goal still remains: Indoor soccer with my beloved Hooligans!!

I'm Baaaaack!! [Shy of 6 Months Post-Op]

2009-10-12T12:26:00.000-04:00

Funny how things work. I am 2 days shy of my 6-month ACL surgery anniversary and this weekend a few opportunities presented themselves which allowed me to prove to myself that I'm ready for my comeback!

We got a group together for the 3rd round of pick-up Ultimate Frisbee on Saturday, which as usual was a lot of sprinting, stopping, changing directions and a bit of jumping. Being that we play outdoors and in cleats, this has been a major confidence booster for me when considering my return to soccer.

Our normal co-ed team won't be starting indoor soccer for another week and a half or so, but the outdoor season is still wrapping up. I've heard the fields are in pretty rough shape, and fellow ACL rehabber, Jeff, opted out of the outdoor seasons entirely this summer partially because of the pounding and poor field conditions. So when I got a text from our captain on Saturday asking if I'd be able to sub on Sunday (yesterday) for outdoor, I was a combination of excited and nervous! I said yes, but worried because I'd hardly touched a soccer ball since surgery, and because I didn't want to hurt myself if the fields were that bad.

Luckily, the ground was kind of soft thanks to the previous week worth of rain, and aside from some expected ruts in the field, the game seemed to be pretty forgiving to my knee. [Note: I have not and don't plan on using a knee brace.] Once I got out there, I felt pretty strong and even tallied an assist with a corner kick! Otherwise it wasn't a brilliant game for me by any means, but it was on par with where I was pre-surgery, and that's all I can ask for!! I must also say that it was fun to be welcomed back to the field by my teammates-- I've missed being out there with you all!

I was delighted that things had gone so well in soccer, only to come home to a message asking if Eric and I would mind subbing for 2 games of softball that afternoon. How could I say no, seeing as how I'd conquered UF and soccer already this weekend?! Softball's never been a strong sport of mine, but it was fun to get back out there, toss the ball around and take a few swings. It feels good to be back!!

One day later, I am pretty sore, but I'm sure part of that has been some laziness in my exercise routine prior to this active weekend. I think there was a little unintentional overcompensation at times, because my non-surgical leg (quad, calf and even shin!) is more sore than my surgical leg... but for the sudden spike in activity in 2 short days, I don't think I would have expected any less.

Tonight, it's off to yoga, which I hope will end up with some much-needed stretching. But I couldn't be happier with the weekend's turn of events and opportunities to get back in action. My nerves are (mostly) settled and now I can look forward to my next activity to conquer: Indoor Soccer!

Until then, a big CONGRATS to Missy and Nic for their wedding this weekend-- I can't wait to walk (not limp!) down the aisle and be a part of your big day! And in addition to all this fun stuff to celebrate, I now have my own engagement to add to the list, as of 9/26/09! Perhaps it's time for me to start a new blog! ;)

Yoga, BOSU, and Kneeling [5.5 Months Post-Op]

2009-10-05T12:30:00.001-04:00

It's a beautiful thing when you realize you're continuously 'forgetting' about your knee and any limitation you may have post-op. While I am still not at 100%, I have gotten back into most normal activities and feel confident doing just about any activity, with the exception of using my surgical leg for powerful 1-legged leaps... the power is yet to return!

One activity that has been a real confidence booster is Ultimate Frisbee. The constant changing of directions, quick sprints and sudden stops, and 'going long' for a scoring catch in the endzone remind me a lot of soccer or flag football (but with more running!) and I feel this is similar to a 'worst case' activity, yet I have very little hesitation! On top of that, there is no pain or soreness afterwards, which is key!

The yoga I am doing with Jen (today will be the 4th class) has been an eye opener mostly in the case of kneeling poses. When we lunge or stretch or sit in most positions, I do not feel a major difference from left to right. However when I have to put weight on my surgical knee (seeing as how I had a patellar tendon graft) it can become painful after a long period of time or even a short time if it's taking most of my weight at once. To help curb any kneeling pain, I use a foam pad beneath both knees whenever I can. One thing that makes me feel a *little* better is that Jen, an otherwise very healthy and active person, also thinks we are kneeling too much and it bothers her knees a little too... so maybe it's not just me!

One thing I have gotten away from is PT directed at just my left knee and surrounding muscles. When getting into a more active regimen (including running, UF, or BOSU DVD workouts) it's easy to forget to focus on the surgical leg. If it feels good, why keep the focus on one side? But I don't think this is the right approach, since just last night I was looking at the quad muscles from side to side and while it feels good in most activities, there is still a significant difference in muscle mass. This is where having a gym membership or personal trainer might come in handy (which I don't have), but also going back to the basics and doing exercises Drew left me with in our last meeting would probably help.

Finally, I am trying to do the BOSU a little more now that weather is starting to cool down and the local HS track is rarely available with school is back in session. The DVDs are some good direction for working up a sweat and getting some jumping and squatting in, but I definitely need to research some more exercises which will target my knee. I am open to suggestions!

We're creeping up on the indoor soccer season (late October, I believe) but I hope to get out with a ball and work some more soccer-like movements into my routine so I am a little more confident as I hit the turf later this month!

In just 9 days I will be at the 6 month mark. My, how time flies!

My Comeback Continues... [5 Months Post-Op]

2009-09-14T17:15:00.002-04:00

Towards the end of last week, my BOSU ball arrived!! I didn't get a chance to check it out until yesterday, and even then I chose to do what looked like the easiest of the included DVD workouts because I wanted to start out simple. So I promptly popped in the 'Long and Lean' DVD, and it was a lot of yoga-type poses (but, incorporating the BOSU, of course) and I was delighted to see that once I got past the awkwardness of doing the DVD for the first time, none of the poses created additional pain or strain through my knee! This included lunging poses where the BOSU was bubble-side-up and the forward (bent) leg was on the bubble. And now, a day later, I feel it more in my back and abs than my knee, which must mean in a left-to-right comparison, my legs are getting back to even!

The BOSU wasn't enough for the day though, as I have gotten pick-up ultimate frisbee back on the radar and we had a group planning to meet at 4pm. Eric and I have gone and thrown around a little, but that never prepares you for the stop-and-go running of a true pick-up game. So prior to getting started I strapped on my cleats and did some jogging on the field to remind my body of the ground conditions and being in cleats instead of runners. I also spent extra time stretching my legs out and doing some side-to-side jumping to imitate a quick change in direction. Besides the butterflies in my belly, I felt prepared to give it a try.

Originally I thought I'd have everyone huddled up and be making a blanket statement of 'take it easy on me!' but since we're not that hardcore (and, maybe the opportunity didn't really present itself) we just kind of got the game going and slowly but surely I reacclimated to the game and the feeling of being out on the field and active again. As soon as I started to feel comfy, the enjoyment really came for me... As out of shape as I might be for the sprinting aspect of the game, the knee held up amazingly and there hasn't even been any soreness since! There were a few plays where I became a little timid and avoided jumping up against other people for a free frisbee, but I will probably avoid major contact like that until I feel closer to 100%.

And my latest accomplishment on my 5 month anniversary from surgery, is that I've started a yoga class with my friend Jen! We chose a beginner level class we've taken before to try to get back into practice, and I am looking forward to the first session tonight where I can continue to monitor the progress in my knee and work on balance, strength, flexibility and relaxation! I am bringing along a foam pad to provide extra padding to my patellar tendon area during various kneeling poses, but aside from that I feel I have my entire range of motion (ROM) back, and hope there won't be many poses where I even feel a difference from side to side!

Namaste!

Swinging Clubs and Passing the Torch... [21 Wks Post-Op]

2009-09-08T21:58:00.005-04:00

An update to share- just a few days ago I hit the driving range and followed up the next day with my first 'official' round of golf! I am happy to report that my knee felt fantastic and the only discomfort the following day or two was the usual- my shoulder from swinging the clubs for the first time in months! Thanks to Eric, Jordan and Katy for your patience and getting me back out there!

On another note: Today was my friend Wendy's ACL surgery... So, for her I have this...

I know there will be setbacks along the way that will make the word 'discouraged' seem like it's not strong enough to describe how you're feeling. You'll get upset over the smallest tasks that you'll be forced to learn all over again, but you will also get excited as you overcome those very same challenges. As the days and weeks pass, the pain (and, even the memory of the most painful moments) will subside and will be replaced by excitement about the little things -- which you will soon be taking for granted all over again! So, enjoy the ACL journey, because I've got my fingers crossed that this is the only time either of us will ever have to go through this!! ;)

I Bit the (BOSU) Bullet... [20.5 Weeks Post-Op]

2009-09-04T15:02:00.001-04:00

Time to step it up a notch.

The money I would have been spending on PT should be going towards a gym membership or equipment or something along those lines, but I just hadn't pulled the trigger... until now! I decided a BOSU ball would be a good purchase since I'd used it before in PT, and my therapist, Drew, also confirmed it's a good tool for rehab. Not to mention, it helped to get rave reviews from fellow blogger, Andrew, and also my friend Chris who has done some of his pre-med work with ACL rehabers. And BOSU isn't just good for balance and PT, but there are tons of exercises to be done on it which help all kinds of muscle groups. My arms and abs should be very, very afraid...

My dilemma was to decide if I should buy the consumer model or the commercial model. For about the same price I could get consumer +4 DVDs, or commercial +1 DVD. (See the difference HERE). In the end, I went with the consumer one, because while I'm all about getting a more 'durable' product, I will never put it through the use that a gym would if it was used for daily classes, etc. I hope I don't regret this decision!

Ciao, Dr. S! [20 Weeks Post-Op]

2009-09-01T22:07:00.001-04:00

From the title, I'm sure you can guess... My good man, Dr. Jeffrey Shapiro gave me the final farewell yesterday in my follow-up visit! He admitted that I came out of the gate a little slower than most, but that I've made up ground since then and am right on track. I had often looked forward to my visits with Dr. S to get such confirmation, but at the same time I'm grateful that I had a (mostly) smooth road to recovery and that I'm nearly back to normal!! This must be what Drew felt like when I ended things with him, and PT... *sigh*

Despite halting doctor and PT appointments, I'm not done yet! PT (at home) will be ongoing, as I hope to stick with doing things on my own at least 3 times a week until I can work my way back into sports. For instance, today I strapped on my soccer/UF cleats for the first time and got a taste of the field. Unfortunately tomorrow's soccer practice was cancelled, but I will be doing a workout and eventually heading up to the driving range to dust off the 'ol golf clubs too! Knowing the doctor doesn't need to see me again gives me that 16-yr-old-with-a-set-of-car-keys feeling of freedom again!

But I must share... Yesterday's 'closure' with Dr. S did end on a bit of a personal sour note. My good friend Wendy was in one of his OTHER exam rooms, getting the news that she'd torn her ACL (just like me- playing flag football!). So, as much as I would have liked to avoid my injury, I am almost glad I have the experience (and blog!) under my belt to help reassure her that she'll come through it just fine!! [You can do it, Wendy!]

The gorgeous bouquet I received from Miss Wendy... just for helping! Aww, shucks!

Things I'm looking forward to: Golfing this weekend, Yoga class starting in 2 weeks, and hopefully dusting off the frisbee one of these weekends for some good 'ol fashioned pick-up games!

'Little Things' Make a Comeback [19.5 Wks Post-Op]

2009-08-28T17:43:00.005-04:00

Somewhere along the way in my recovery I think I stopped celebrating the 'little things'. I kept a fresh perspective of what I could and couldn't do when it came to exercising or getting back range-of-motion, but the more I think about it, that's not what I'm excited to be doing again... And as gradually as they've come, there are lots of little things I'm happy to say I do without wondering "what will this do to my knee?"...

For instance, today I woke up, got out of bed and walked across the room. Ta-da! There once was a time when that was my biggest challenge! But now I'm back to my groggy "I don't wanna get up" mindset, instead of thinking step-ouch-step-ouch as I used to hobble away from my resting place. Then it's showering. And getting back upstairs to get dressed. And putting on high heels! And yes, even taking out the trash-- because before I was helpless, and while it's not a desirable task, I can.

Next, it's pivoting on my left (surgical) leg as I get into my car (which is quite low to the ground). No more backing up near my seat, having weight on both feet and gingerly lowering myself into the seat. Plant, pivot, sit and DRIVE-- one (mostly) fluid motion! At work it's lots of sitting, but there is still getting in and out of my chair, crossing my legs, or scooting around in my cube on my wheelie chair and not feeling any pain. Ah, the little things!

Today at work I had to cut a strip away from a very large piece of paper from the plotter. Given the size, I figured the floor was my best work space. So this meant squatting down (and getting back up!) and also some kneeling (*gasp*)! I am still cautious when kneeling and putting weight where they took my graft from, but it turned out to be a surprisingly normal feeling!

Regarding my PT-at-home: jumping is getting easier but still challenging. I can run on pavement w/o additional soreness. I even completed a yoga DVD (complete with child's pose!) on an 'off' day, and there were lots of movements I am proud to be able to do again, no matter how simple.

Monday (8/31) is another follow-up with Dr. Shapiro, and Wednesday (9/2) has a high potential of being my first soccer practice! [Despite being given the OK to 'practice' last time I saw Dr. S-- I've still been sticking to PT routines. I may be eager to get back out there, but I want to feel confident first...]

Have a wonderful weekend!

How I Broke Up With PT [4 Months Post-Op]

2009-08-13T17:14:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow I will be 4 months post-op. If you're an avid reader (or, recap HERE) you'll know my Doctor gave me the impression I only had a 4 month recovery (or, perhaps he meant 4 months of PT?…). I was skeptical then, and now that I'm here, I still know I'm not at 100%, but I'm doing what I can to get there.

Over the weekend I got yet another medical bill, and while I am blessed to be insured, I'm also blessed with a mathematical mind. Is what I'm paying for in PT really worth it anymore? Before I used to tell myself that having someone guide me, albeit 1x per week, was worth any cost to know I'm on track. However, the last month or so was very hands-off for Drew, and even regarding equipment use- aside from the 1-leg press and a BOSU ball here and there, most everything I can do at home. So, I approached Drew yesterday as I came into PT, asking "Is it OK if this is my last visit?" Drew gave me a long look and asked, "Are you breaking up with me?!"

We did some L-to-R comparison of lunging, jumping, balancing on each leg individually, as well as measured circumference at my knee, lower and mid thigh. Here's how I see my progress as of today:
Strength ~ 90%: For instance, I can 1-leg press pre-surgical weight, but it's still a little shaky. Which brings us to...
Control ~55%: It is still difficult to absorb the impact when jumping and landing on my surgical leg. Controlling the motion of something like a 1-leg squat is very difficult and borderline painful to do as I work into deeper bending. I think toning the muscle around my knee as I get it back will help improve this.
Mass ~85%: I still have mass to regain in my L quad, but even the mass I do have is not as solid as my R leg. I know this will come in time, but as trainers have told me along the way, I have further to go than most people based on the large size of my non-surgical quad!
Endurance ~95%: I might be guessing high, but if my knee were miraculously healed tomorrow, I think my endurance would be pretty good. Although I might take that down to 90% or so when I think of playing the full duration of a soccer game with minimal subs, or the continuous sprints of ultimate frisbee.

Now that I'm PT-free I can consider my options (what unattached girl wouldn't?!). Buy some equipment for home exercise, like a BOSU ball? Or spring for a gym membership to have equipment at my disposal? Or go to some open swims at a local pool for some 'low impact' jumping to work on control? I know I can always call Drew for questions, pointers, or help… plus he provided me with a few pages of exercises to keep working on. Any way I work it, I'm pretty confident I can do this on my own now.

Sorry, PT… It's not you, it's me. ;)

We Talkin' 'Bout Practice! [15.5 Weeks Post-Op]

2009-07-31T14:27:00.003-04:00

Monday (7/27) I met with my surgeon, and despite the fact that I didn't see him until over an hour after my original appointment time, it was a good, quick visit. My physical therapist didn't give me any ammunition to go in with, since I seem to be on track (I just have to get back that muscle mass and control!!). Also, I haven't had any odd pains or limitations to speak of, so I feel like we're doing things right so far.

One question I had was about distance running. I've kept to 1.5 miles or less up until this appointment, because I don't want to develop bad habits since my surgical leg still has muscle to get back. [Yes, I do still favor my leg a bit when running.] I figure if I keep the distance low, I can pick up the speed, and when I run more quickly, it seems to lessen any limping. Dr. Shapiro said up to 2 miles would be fine, so I will stay under that until I see him again in a month. I hadn't planned on running the Detroit Marathon in October anyhow... ;)

While it's nice to get back into running, that's not all I've been eager to do! Since I'm up for most any sport (except basketball, which I've never been too great at) I had to ask, what ELSE can I do? Dr. S threw a blanket statement out there, "You can run some drills and practice pretty much all of your sports now, just don't participate in any competitive games." I eyed him skeptically because really, isn't it the motions, not the contact I need to be worried about? But I also wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth either. So, to be sure he meant 'all' I thought of one of the sports that would be rough on the knees and said, "Even sand volleyball?" His response: "Well, no. That'll be next year. Too uneven." Luckily that's the answer I expected, so I went for a more hopeful one... "Soccer?" "Yes." Woo hoo! Look out local high school turf field!

In hindsight I should have asked about more activities, but by the time I would have gotten through the list of sports I want to start playing again, I might have kept him there another 10 minutes. ;) For now, it's all about doing what I am comfortable with, and stopping if there's pain.

Fine Tuning My Knee [3 Month 1 Week Post-Op]

2009-07-21T10:07:00.003-04:00

"How's your knee?" ... It's a loaded question that I get all the time. I think most people are just being nice, but if you care to read, here are some extra specifics.

Being over 3 months out, I figure I'm more than halfway to recovery. At my last follow-up appointment with the surgeon, he said we're looking at a 4 month recovery, which normally I'd be super excited about. However, seeing as how I'm not a professional athlete (surprise!) I believe I'll be taking the full 6 months before I decide to commit to a sports team, perhaps subbing once in a while before that. We'll see-- I want to be steady and confident before I go out on a field and act timid and end up doing something dumb because of my fear.

Current Abilities:

Walking without a limp (including speed-walking)
Running (slight limp when I'm slower, but the faster I go, the less I limp). I have not tried a dead sprint yet, but really, what's the rush?
Going up stairs- Very even and seems controlled. Even taking stairs 2 at a time doesn't seem to show much weakness.
Going down stairs- I can still feel the unsteadiness in my surgical leg as I move my non-surgical leg to the next step down. While some days it seems easier than others, there isn't a time I've gone down stairs and 'forgot' about my knee.
Jumping- When jumping on both legs (think: jumping rope) I can feel my right leg doing more work the longer I jump. When jumping on just my surgical leg, it's still not developed enough to accept the impact of the jump like my other leg does.
Bending/Straightening- I can bend my knee so my heel touches my butt, though I'm still not confident when squatting all the way down and using my body weight to bend it. For straightening, there is some uncomfortable feeling when it gets close to hyperextending, but I think I need to keep working to make sure I don't lose range of motion there. My kneecap also seems to 'catch' or 'pop' every so often when I go from straight to bent, but it's not painful.

Current Focus/Exercises:

Doing PT at home: I've been a lot better with this since my birthday, keeping a promise to myself to do my part in my recovery. I take 1-2 days off per week, but otherwise try to run every other day, and on the in-between days I'm doing more pointed exercises like lunges, step jumping, shuffling... etc.
Physical Therapy with Drew: I am happy to announce I'm back up to my pre-surgical 1-leg press weight, as of a week ago! It feels good to be 'back to normal' in that sense, even though it doesn't translate to a 'back to normal' leg as a whole. PT will continue 1/week at least through the end of this month.
Quad Strengthening: Lunge, lunge, lunge!!
Calf/Knee/Jumping: Lots of jumping and quick shuffling to build up not just my muscle, but also the motor skills to be using the muscles AND moving at the same time. One exercise I do- Stand on L leg at a step with R leg resting up on step; In one jump, land with R leg beneath you, and at the same time lift L leg to touch up on step; Alternate which leg you land on (and which touches the step) after each jump, and do this as fast as you can for 30 seconds. I find this is a great gauge of how 'steady' my surgical knee is underneath me, as well as controlling that leg as I quickly touch the step through the repetitive motion.
Jumping on one leg: Being able to balance just isn't enough. Trying to jump and accept the impact (as I mentioned before) is a whole new game. In PT on my own I try to jump forward in a straight line on just my surgical leg, and land softly. I still have a ways to go here.

Drew told me that the exercises I still feel 'unsteady' doing are the ones that are the last to come back, so I'm well on my way to recovery. Also, I have another follow-up appointment with Dr. Jeff Shapiro next Monday afternoon, and I expect more good news there!

Another Year Older- What a Year! [12 Wk 2 Day Post-Op]

2009-07-11T18:08:00.000-04:00

My blogger name has been updated.. I'm officially "Summer, 27" ! I celebrated Thursday (and the celebration continued on into the weekend) but I must say, it's been nice to get "Happy Birthday" cards as opposed to the last cards I'd gotten which read, "Get Well Soon!" !!

I think age 26 will forever be marked in my mind as "the year I tore my ACL." It's wild to think that initial injury was over 4 months ago, and surgery over 12 weeks ago. Time sure flies!

I've been blessed with a great network of support, a fantastic doctor, a wonderful physical therapist and lots of resources, including my fellow fallen friends who are going through their own ACL journey! Thanks to everyone (again.. and again.. and again..) for your support!

My goal is to take 27 and make it a strong, healthy year. Obviously injuries like this can't necessarily be avoided (unless an active lifestyle is given up - which I'm not willing to do) but I will do what I can to control my rehabilitation and future athletic endeavors!

On that note, I will be making a much better effort at doing my at-home PT. I've gotten lazy in the last week or two, and it is showing when I now go to do simple exercises at home, including lunging and some jumping tasks. Since I'm down to 1 PT session per week with Drew, I need to make sure I'm doing my part so he can progress me to the next exercises and lift any limitations aong the way!

Celebrate Your Independence! [11.5 Wks Post-Op]

2009-07-04T09:59:00.004-04:00

Happy 4th of July!

I am sorry to bore you, but happy to say, there haven't been many blog updates because there hasn't been anything out of the ordinary that seemed worth posting. I see this as a good thing though, because while maybe I'm not breaking major boundaries, I don't seem to be hitting any walls either! Progress seems slow, but steady...

The big items recently still involve jumping. Jumping rope for 3x3min intervals... Jumping onto and off of the Bosu Ball (bubble side up)... Starting with weight on one leg, the other resting up on a step, and while jumping into the air, switching both legs at the same time, landing on the opposite leg.... (This last one we pushed to do 30 times in 30 seconds -- I was definitely getting a cardio workout then!).

With PT visits only 1x per week, we tend to fill the time with lots of exercises, but I have to be sure to do items on my own during the other days of the week. I could be a little more religious with these, but I don't feel I'm falling behind by much, if at all. I recommend finding a workout buddy to take with you to the track or jump rope with you-- You'll see the exercises you've been doing will wear out even a non-surgical buddy! :)

On that note, I feel like each day is getting closer to 'normal' (with the exception of muscle mass from surgical to R leg) and it's wonderful to be getting back the independence I've been working so hard to regain! For instance, yesterday I ran just short of 2 miles on pavement, and while it was tiring and left me a little sore-kneed, it's progress!

Jumping for Joy (Literally!) [~10 Wks Post-Op/ 3rd Follow-up]

2009-06-22T19:30:00.005-04:00

This afternoon I spent about 1 hour waiting (and, oh yeah, got another set of identical x-rays taken...) for my 'ol pal, Dr. Jeff Shapiro. As I waited, I tried to think of intelligent questions I should be asking at 2+ months out, but since there's no squeaky wheel, nothing really came to mind. So, when he finally made his grand entrance and we exchanged our how-do-you-do's, he surprised me with this:

Dr. S: "Two down, two to go!"
Summer: [Obviously confused] "What?"
Dr. S: "Well, you're at two months, and only two more to go!"
Summer: [Still obviously confused] "Oh, um, for recovery? Or..?"
Dr. S: "Yeah!"
Summer: [Yep, still confused] "I thought it was more like 6 months... No?"
Dr. S: "Nope!"

Playing back this conversation now still makes me chuckle, because even though he clearly stated it was a 4 month recovery (total), I still don't really believe it. I mean, PT has been going well and all, and aside from some muscle I need to get back in my surgical quad, I'm feeling pretty confident so far. However, when I've had it in my head that all my fave activities are off-limits for 6 months, it's hard to change that placeholder in my head from mid-October to mid-August. Plus, a big fear of mine is coming back too early and not being back to 100%. But if I can't trust my doctor's word, who do I listen to??

The rest of the 5 minutes (if that!) with Dr. S was uneventful- Range of motion is "great", swelling is minimal, and I have no complaints of pain... "See you in a month!"

So- I am resisting the urge to be completely ecstatic and drunk with happiness about this 2 month shave off my 'return'. Why? Well... while I feel I'm a positive person, I want to remain realistic and, perhaps, a little on the 'safe' side. We'll see how things work out, but I guess I'll limit myself to just a sip of this delight cocktail for now!

In the event I'd like to celebrate by jumping up and down - well, now I have been advised by my physical therapist to go on ahead and do it! Today in PT, among other things (see my ACL calendar), I started jumping. It's really a strange experience to try a simple motion like that, which I've avoided for the last two months, but is so elementary. Like everything else, I started with a little hesitation, but once I realized my knee wasn't giving out on me and there wasn't even a pang of pain, I became a 3x30 rep jumping bean! PT also brought on more Bosu Ball fun too...!

So, between the good news from the Doc and trying new things in PT, today was a great day! Not to mention, by next week I'll only be at PT once a week (currently at 2/week)! Booyah!

Round and Round We Go... [9 Weeks 4 days Post-Op]

2009-06-20T11:11:00.003-04:00

Due to mixing it up in PT on Wednesday (and in the process, doing a handful of exercises until my muscles truly fatigued) I was awfully sore starting Friday morning. As a matter of fact, the limp returned [but before you are sad for me, read on], this time due to my muscles in my non-surgical (R) leg being so sore that I was then favoring THAT leg! Maybe it's nothing to be excited about, since the last thing I need right now is an ever-growing right quad. However, CHEERS to my left (surgical) leg for being strong enough to put up with the flip-flop of the limp! Luckily, the soreness has since faded substantially, and I'm back to a generally normal gait...

Instead of trying to bust out more PT exercises on Friday, I thought trying a yoga DVD would be better, to stretch and work on breathing. It was nice, including some lunging poses, however, about half way into it there were some poses I chose to skip. For example, one req'd kneeling and putting weight on the area where they took my graft, and by the time that one came about, I decided I had stretched enough for the time being!

To feel like I'm still doing what I can on my own, today I did some walking and a mile run on the track [where my new iTouch helped break the monotony of going round and round- Thx BB!]. That was followed by lots of stair work on the local HS bleachers. Since they're half-steps, I would go up taking 2 steps at a time, always leading with my surgical leg, forcing that quad to do most of the work. Going down I would step down with non-surgical leg, forcing the surgical quad to, again, bear the burden of controlling the balance and movement as I stepped down.

Stairs are one of the things I am using to track my progress. When I end up ahead of someone (going up or down) in the stairwell at work, I feel myself getting flustered as I hear them galloping closer, and I can't seem to go as fast. I am noticing some improvement, but for now they'll just have to deal with it - I refuse to take the elevator!

Now, back to enjoying the weekend! Happy (early) Father's Day to all the daddios out there, and especially the best one I know-- Papa John! ;)

My First 1-Mile Run [2 Months Post-Op]

2009-06-15T19:10:00.005-04:00

Since my last PT visit, I hadn't made much time to get in quality exercise for my knee over the weekend. I blame being preoccupied, but a little of it was laziness. Over the weekend there was a lot of walking and standing, and the 'ol knee held up well. Occasionally an ache would find it's way around my knee, but nothing too painful. Either way, I was looking forward to today, since my last PT visit was finally a break from the monotonous routine I'd been doing.

Today's surprise was the 'timed 1-mile run'. As an ex-cross country runner and being an athlete in general, I know I used to be able to easily run 1 mile. Plus, I've done previous sessions of run-walk intervals in PT, covering more than 1 mile, but today's challenge was to do 1 mile running, and at a decent pace. So, once I'd done an 8 minute warm up on the elliptical and stretched a little, I headed for the treadmill. Drew was not over my shoulder during the run, so I didn't burn myself out on it, but I did make sure to turn up the pace from previous PT runs (from 6.0 to 6.5). I finished in ~9:30, and for my first mile back after knee surgery, I am OK with that! (Plus, I know I could have gone faster if I had to, but I still had a full slate of PT ahead of me!).

The run left me whipped, but as usual, I felt really good about it once I was done! I did a handful of other exercises (including shuffling side-to-side between cones; also pushing off side-to-side in a speed skater fashion on a slip board) which had me working on sideways movements and adding in a little squat motion as well. It's good to know I'm getting to a point where it's not all about the range of motion in a straight line!

While I did have to go down in weight on the one-leg press today by ~10#, I was fine with exhausting my leg muscles to the point where they were shaking throughout that exercise, and others. Lunging is still difficult to put the weight evenly through my surgical leg, but practice makes perfect, right?

Next Monday (just shy of 10 weeks post-op) I'll see the Doctor again and make sure I'm on track!

I haven't posted pics in a while, but then again not much is changing. Swelling seems minimal, the incision is healing up nicely, and the definition in my legs is coming back, little by little. The only thing I might ask about is the dark spot that still remains on the back of my knee where I had dark bruising after surgery. I am sure it's normal, but just out of curiosity.

PT Routine Shake-Up [8 Wk 2 Day Post-Op]

2009-06-11T13:53:00.002-04:00

I passed my 8 week mark on Tuesday and am cruising to 2 months post-op this weekend, on June 14. On Monday I went to PT and pretty much did my whole routine without any pointers, new exercises or even manipulation/ stretching by Drew, my therapist. Even though I did some treadmill time and feel my strides are becoming more even, I was disappointed at the lack of personal attention and was glad that I’d gone down to 2 visits / week. However in yesterday’s PT, Drew decided to mix it up for me, and it felt good to try new challenges, even if it left me whipped afterwards!

First, we skipped the 10 minute warm-up on the bike, since initially this was used to help get back range of motion and in later weeks, loosen up the knee w/o putting too much weight on it. Instead, I did 8 minutes on the Elliptical (Drew said to be sure I was a little tired and breaking a sweat when done), and after some calf and hamstring stretches, it was over to the treadmill. There I did 15 mins of alternating between speed walking and a run. I am gaining lots of confidence here and am sure I could have run longer, but didn’t know what else was in store for me.

The most entertaining, by far, was using the Bosu Ball, which is basically an inflated exercise ball, sliced in half with a hard plastic board across the flat. I had to stand on the flat part, meaning the half-sphere was towards the ground, and I had to balance on it, or risk falling off! I have never used a Bosu Ball, so I was very cautious. At first I thought the goal was simply to stand and balance, but then we added squats, which would mean having to distribute my weight evenly across both legs. I looked kind of like THIS, but kept my hands out in front of me for more balance. My surgical leg was a little shaky, and this was intensified by the Bosu Ball, making it even more difficult!

30 squats later (and, a careful dismount of this potentially dangerous piece of equipment), my surgical leg was ready for solid ground again!

I thought I’d be sorer today because I felt like we really pushed it (and, mixed it up, finally!) but perhaps the soreness will be another day behind. Or, maybe I’m further along than I thought, and ready for some more challenging tasks!

Other items of note:

With the exception of an anti-inflammatory now and again, I haven’t had to pop pills for pain much since about mid-May (1 month post-op)
The skin to the outer side of my vertical incision is still a giant numb spot, maybe 2/3 the size of my palm
While I’m still able to ‘forget’ about my knee sometimes, I have noticed an aching feeling that comes about sometimes just when sitting
More often I am able to get in and out of my car by pivoting on my L leg, instead of getting in or out of the car with both feet on the ground first
I take the stairs up and down to my 2nd floor desk whenever I can, and going up remains pretty even while going down still requires some strengthening to even it out
I can walk w/o limping, but if I’ve done a lot of activity or walking in any given day, my limp creeps back to a quite obvious favoring by days end
I touched my butt with my heel! While standing I was able to grab my ankle and (with my foot slightly pointed/ while wearing tennies) was able to bend my knee so far as to feel my shoe hit my butt! (I even showed an assistant at PT just so someone else could share my glory!)

What’s wrong with getting excited about the little things? :)

PT Decrease and Goodbye Ice Machine! [7 wks 1 day Post-Op]

2009-06-03T16:21:00.004-04:00

For reasons I'm yet to learn, I've been called back into work tomorrow even though I was told I'd have this whole week off. This sudden change in the calendar meant my mid-day PT appointment on Friday needed to be moved, or cancelled. Since I was planning to go down to 2x/week starting next week, we decided it'd be OK to just cancel. So, all of a sudden it's less visits and more at home therapy. [I must admit, I'm ready to reduce number of visits, having just paid a healthy lump sum to catch me up for pre- and post-op therapy visits! Yikes!)

Also, they finally picked up the ThermoCompression Unit I'd been "renting" (as shown in my 4.18.09 Blog Post), which I was under the impression I'd have for 3-4 weeks, not 7! I'll miss the 'ol girl, but I s'pose an ice pack will do me just fine these days, as I have VERY minimal swelling anymore, and I would only ice after a long day on my feet.

Otherwise, today's PT went well with two nice surprises... Firstly, I bumped up to 105# for 1-leg press (using my surgical leg, of course) and it was easier than I expected! (I was doing 165# prior to surgery, so there's still work to be done..). Secondly, we got back on the treadmill for run/walk intervals, and not only was there no pain in my knee, but the limp as I run (aka "Rumping") was not nearly as severe. 15 minutes later I'd covered 1.25 miles, and it felt wonderful!! [Note: You can open up any 'PT' appointment in my ACL Calendar to see what exercises I'm up to. Keep in mind my surgery was 4.14.09...]

Even though I still have a ways to go, I am feeling very good about progress thus far!

Knees and Trees [7 Weeks Post-Op]

2009-06-02T18:27:00.005-04:00

I am forced off work this week (it's all good!) and so that means daytime PT appointments and taking care of those little things that are often put off. Since I have been making improvements in PT and feeling stronger on my feet, it was decided that this week is when a big tree in our back yard would come down.

My dad, a seasoned tree-cutter-downer and general outdoors man, offered his services, but this is a big task for just one person. So, in addition to keeping him well fed and hydrated, I decided to monitor how my knee felt as I helped with the take down. I was aware that the backyard is a bit soft and, in some spots, uneven. Also, there is always the chance that a limb can come down more quickly or in a different direction than anticipated, so it meant being smart about where I was in relation to the action. Luckily Eric was able to be a big help when it came to needing extra elbow grease for the big cuts, and some of those times I was happy to stay on the sidelines instead of risk any injury.

2-day story short- and because you were surely holding your breath- there were no injuries, or even pain beyond normal use! There were even times I was able to plant both feet firmly and tug on guide wires, and I felt strong in my foundation. Or if I needed to step on a branch to hold it down as I broke it into smaller pieces, I could use either foot and wasn't nervous to do so.

This definitely isn't how I expected to be 'celebrating' my 7-week post-op anniversary. At the same time, if you would have asked me a few weeks ago if I would be helpful in an activity like this at 7 weeks, I might have thought you were crazy!

Meanwhile, PT is focusing on the same strength building exercises and transitioning me into running. Drew worked a lot on stretching my hamstring and really straightening out my leg at last PT, and I felt a lot better when I jumped on the treadmill immediately after. 10 minutes of speed walking followed by 3 minutes of running left me tired, sweaty, but most of all confident of my eventual return! Yay!

The backyard beast that had to come down:

Draped in chains that helped pull the tree down, limb by limb... it's not my limbs holding me back anymore! (OK, Cheesy, I know!)

"Rumping" [6 weeks, 4 days Post-Op]

2009-05-30T23:46:00.004-04:00

When I left you, dear reader, I had told you of my first attempt at running. I have since undergone yet another PT session (which included about 10 minutes of 2-minute intervals of speed-walking and then 'running') ... but I wouldn't call it running. It's more of a cross between limping and running... which my good friend Jesse so cleverly coined "Rumping".

Today I gave the run/walk intervals another try. I was advised by Drew to go to a track (meaning level surfaces and a nice padded course) but since there was a soccer game going on in Berkley's track infield, I refused to run around the game and provide entertainment for the ~100 people there. So, I went outside of my trainer's wishes, and hit the streets (very carefully, might I add). First, it was taking my walk from a slow, to normal, to eventually quick pace. Then, once I felt comfy, I tried running again. It felt just as awkward as the first two times, but if nothing else, it felt good to be out, trying, and breaking a sweat!

I believe the reason I can't shake the limp while running is I am (1) still having a hard time mentally trusting my surgical leg, (2) my muscle mass in my surgical quad is substantially less than my non-surgical and (3) when I do run, I am not letting my surgical leg extend out all the way, therefore I'm running shorter strides on that leg versus my 'good' leg. This overcompensation caused a little pain in my 'good' leg's hip towards the end of the run, but nothing I feel when walking or going about my day-to-day.

Otherwise I feel I am reaching a point where I actually sometimes FORGET about my 'bum' knee! It is a wonderful thing. The more I find myself putting it out-of-mind, the more I realize I am getting back to that 'normal' lifestyle I so desire. In the coming week I'll still be seeing my trainer 3x, but after that we've decided I'm ready to go to 2x / week. This can only mean one thing... PROGRESS!! :)

Picking Up the Pace [6 Weeks, 1 Day Post-Op]

2009-05-27T20:23:00.007-04:00

A lot can happen in a week, and now that the pain in the area of my patellar tendon is nearly gone, I am gaining back confidence in my leg and certain motions I avoided before. Throughout the holiday weekend I was on my feet a lot and also took part in 8+ hours in the car (total) which was probably the toughest part! Weekend activities included hanging out on the dock, but I was wise enough to skip the swim to the water trampoline! Saturday the ladies of the group hit up the putt-putt course... Does that mean I can claim I'm playing sports again? :)

The last few sessions of PT have me improving by leaps and bounds, being able to do exercises I haven't touched since pre-surgery therapy. This includes more challenging balancing exercises, squats, and adding more weight (or resistance) to previous exercises. I am up to 90# on the one-leg press; I am confident I could do more, but am trying to only gradually increase the weight.

Going down stairs is getting much easier, partially due to trust in my leg and the exercises in PT that have helped me break the mindset that my leg will give out if I put the opposite one down on the next stair first. There is still some favoring going on, but it's much improved.

Otherwise, my focus has been to get my walk to normalize, and I know I am capable, but the thing most often holding me back is habit, and maybe the *littlest* tweak of pain in some motions. They said I was not letting my leg extend all the way as I worked through my gait, but I am shaking that habit. Today there was proof of this, since in PT I was put on the treadmill for ~5 minutes and Drew kept bumping it up until I was at a speed-walking pace. At first I was hesitant and favoring my surgical leg. As I eased myself into it and realized the pain that's held me back in the past was not showing itself, I was able to get a normal stride.

My big event of the day was my first attempt at running!! Drew was there to push the 'speed up' button on the treadmill until I finally couldn't speed-walk any more. I'm the first to admit, the run was not pretty (by any means), but I think, again, it was habit and a mental block more than anything, which kept me from evening it out. I didn't run long - perhaps 1 minute, but when I haven't done anything (but putt-putt) since my surgery 6+ weeks ago, 1 minute of running was plenty for me to see where I stand today!

In PT there are 2 other young ladies I see often, I believe 1 week and 4 weeks behind me (same procedure and Doc...). They were both there today, and it's hard for me not to look at them and compare myself in the way of progress. Two of us seem roughly the same, but the girl who's at 2 weeks (versus my 6 weeks) was ALSO on a treadmill today (albeit at a slower pace and a more obvious limp...). But I'm blown away by this girl's progress and have so many questions - What did I do wrong? Why isn't she in as much pain as I was? How is she asking questions like "Can I ride my bike now?" when at 2 weeks that was the last thing I wanted to do? I remind myself that everyone truly has their own schedule. I make sure to congratulate her on her progress, because we all can use words of encouragement as we work down the winding road of recovery!!

6 Week Post-Op Pics

My range of motion (ROM) is "very good" and while I still undergo forced bending in PT, the focus has turned to building the muscle back up via my exercises

Muscle mass is slowly coming back, as the exercises which flexed my quad had hurt my patellar tendon in the past, and now (I hope!) I am past that!

[I also had one of the trainers tell me that if my right thigh wasn't so muscular, I wouldn't have so much work to do to catch up!] :)

The incision is healing nicely, and it seems to be loosening a bit, but I still have a ways to go until the skin move freely over top of my knee.

Surgical vs 'Good' Leg [5 weeks, 1 Day Post-Op]

2009-05-20T20:05:00.008-04:00

I was just thinking about how at the end of February I was hitting all the resorts in Salt Lake City with my snowboard, and here it is, almost 3 months later, and I've been through injury, surgery, and what they say is the hardest part of re-hab. I can't wait to hit the slopes again... among other activities I'm itching to get back to!

So in my continued efforts to get back to 100% (or better!) I returned to PT today assuming I'd have pretty much the same routine as normal: Ultrasound (locally @ incision), a few painless exercises and stretching, and eventually 'ice' by rubbing ice directly on my knee until it's numb! I was right on everything, but then I got a little more in the way of exercises.

At 26 Days Post-Op (just 10 days ago) I mentioned some 'upcoming milestones'...

One goal is to get back to a 'normal range of motion' , which is from zero to 130-135 degrees. Drew told me that I am within a few degrees of that as of today (Yay!) but that my 'good' leg is closer to 160, so I definitely have some more work to do!!

Another ongoing goal is to normalize my gait. Today I was told I have all the PARTS of walking normally, I just need to piece it all together in one fluid motion. I like to compare this to learning to golf -- it's not easy to do everything right at once! While I may be able to control my walk enough to appear not to have a limp, it is still a very conscious effort (hence my previous post, 'Could the limp be gone?!' not stating that it was gone!). Drew would watch me walk and of course compare- What was my 'good' leg doing that my surgical leg was not? [Answer: My surgical leg is slightly bent through the whole stride; I'm never completely straightening it out.]

My goal to walk smoothly comes back to another goal I was perspicacious enough to realize over a week ago- being able to trust my surgical leg as I balance on it and at the same time go between straight and slightly bent. I brought this up to Drew today and he had me 'practice' doing this very motion. There were some new twinges of pain as I did it, and my leg was shaking (oh, how sad the weakness is!), but it was good to be forced, because I hadn't challenged myself at home just yet. I had to stop a few times and do the same motion with my 'good' leg, just to remember how it's supposed to look and feel!

And so the battle of Surgical vs 'Good' Leg continues.... As for the other milestones I'd set:

I'm happy to say I can go up stairs without favoring my surgical leg
I can balance on my surgical leg when it's straight (as well as slightly bent) without pain or feeling like i'm going to tip over (it's going between the two that's tough!)
I can go down stairs with one foot per stair (though I favor my surgical leg VERY much when doing so)
I continue to massage around the incision to get the skin to move freely over the knee cap (and I've also been using Mederma to hopefully reduce visibility of the scar... eventually)

Pic as of today (you can ignore the waffle imprint- that's from using my ThermoComp icing machine...)

And, since I may not post again before the Memorial Holiday - I hope everyone has a safe and fun weekend, and I'll try not to do anything dumb to mess up all my hard work on my knee!!

Cheers!

2nd Post-Op Meeting w the Doc [Nearly 5 Weeks Post-Op]

2009-05-18T20:32:00.008-04:00

Today was a gorgeous day to be able to walk (slowly, and controlled...) out of work at lunchtime and eventually make my way to the Doctor's office for my 5-week follow-up appointment. I went in thinking that I would tell Dr. Shapiro of my set-backs in recovery, or maybe even have Drew make a visit (since the PT area is just downstairs from the Dr's office) to fill him in on my progress thus far and really have a big chat about it. As we know, things don't always go as planned.

Firstly, I had another set of x-rays taken. I mentioned that I already had x-rays taken at 1 week post-op, but the assistant said she was just following doctor's orders, so we both went along with it. Since the x-rays were identical to the last set, I felt they were a waste. Perhaps there is a small percentage of patients whose titanium screws (which hold the graft in place) may shift? Perhaps I'll google that... ;)

When Dr. Shapiro entered the room, we exchanged pleasantries, and I dove right into the discussion Drew and I had about my potential tendonitis, and how we felt it was setting back my recovery. When I told him that the tendonitis was in the area of the patellar tendon (where my graft was taken from), he seemed to pause a second and cock his head in misunderstanding.

"Well, you know, pain in that area is not necessarily tendonitis. I mean, that is where we took your graft from, so of course there is going to be some pain in that area.." he said. Well, this was followed up with how every recovery is different, and launched a discussion of pain management. I told him I've been off Vicodin for some time now, and only popped some Motrin (~600mg) every now and then for a two-birds-with-one-stone throw at both pain and inflammation. Can I really tell the difference when I take it vs not? Not really. But people also told me that Vicodin would be a god-send, and while I'm sure it helped dull some pain, it wasn't all I thought it'd be either. In the end he wrote me a prescription for something comparable to Motrin and told me to take that, mostly for inflammation that could be causing my pain. I am not a fan of popping pills, but Doctor's orders!

So, after our brief discussion of my maybe-tendonitis-but-not-necessarily, Dr. S had me sit with my legs extended out in front of me on the exam table. With my leg relaxed, he carefully manipulated the knee cap and poked around a little at the swelling, which seems to be in control. Next he had a look at my extension, which we haven't measured lately in PT, but is definitely at zero, if not -1 or so. Then, he had me slide my heel towards my butt and bend the knee as much as I could. Range of motion was "great" (though I still have some work to do on that bend!)... But for now- I'm on track!

After this, I extended my leg back out, and he grabbed my lower thigh with one hand and upper shin with his other hand, and did a little jiggle-jiggle to test the stability of my ACL (I assume, anyway) and those few things wrapped up the physical exam.

Once done, Dr. Shapiro was pleased with where I was and said I was right on track. God, that was good to hear after beating myself up over the last 2 weeks about my inability to walk w/o a limp or being 'behind schedule'. I was so happy that he didn't push the thought of tendonitis on me or give me any indication of being off track in general. I have too competitive of a spirit (even with myself) to have to deal with negativity that would have come from such focus.

I had them print me today's set of x-rays (which, truly, ARE exactly like the 1-week, so I won't bother uploading) and headed for PT. Drew was glad to hear the doctor was happy, and between the three of us, I think we will all be delighted as I can focus on the coming weeks and getting back to 'normal' !!

Note: I just heard meow-ing on my porch (we do not have a cat!) and it's a black cat! I hope that's not a bad sign... !!

Could the Limp Be Gone?!? [4.5 Weeks Post-Op]

2009-05-17T22:19:00.002-04:00

I've had my set-backs in recovery, and in my last blog at 4 weeks post-op I talked about my continued pain when attempting to walk, and how it's likely due to a case of tendonitis. This pain was forcing me to limp, even when I really focused on evening out my stride.

While I'm still at PT 3 times per week, we've been taking it easy for about a week and a half, doing ultrasound in the area of my patellar tendon and locally icing directly on the skin. I knew patience (and a positive attitude!) would be a must as I overcame this hurdle.

I must say I'm having a bit of writer's block to describe just how I've come to ask myself... Could the limp really be gone? It comes down to this- up through this morning (I think!), I still couldn't seem to stop favoring my surgical leg. However, this afternoon I was on the phone and decided to take a short walk down the street and back. I was walking with control, but the pain was minimal if anything, and I realized I could walk normally!

Perhaps it helps that I was just doing PT at home and stretching. Or maybe it's that I was distracted with conversation. But this little triumph had me excited, so I had to share!

Meanwhile tomorrow is my 5 week follow-up with Dr. Shapiro. I'm looking forward to getting his opinion on my progress, and moving on from here!!

If It Feels Good, Do It [4th Week Post-Op]

2009-05-13T21:33:00.005-04:00

My week 4 anniversary has come and gone (yesterday) and between my woe is me attitude and having an occasion to get out of the house yesterday evening, I am just now posting. However, I'm glad I waited, as I think in some ways, I am feeling progression. Of sorts.

Bear with me, and let me preface by telling you a few parts of my day ...

I realized that as I walked around work I thought of statements I might blog, (similar to how I always think of captions for my photos, for those of you who know me!). Sadly, one statement that came to mind today was, "I am feeling a sense of disappointment [frustration? defeat?] with every step I take." What?! Did I just think that? True- it is hard to ignore my slow pace or pain every few steps, but DEFEAT? C'mon now. Lighten up, Louie.

Then, checking my (personal) email at work (shh!) I received today's dictionary.com 'Word of the Day': Abnegate which, has a second definition of "to relinquish; give up." You might think in my original state of rut, I would have thought, Gee, how fitting! But, I looked at that and asked myself, is that what I'm doing? Of course not. But where did I fall on the scale from frustration to giving up?

At some point my new boss came by and mentioned my knee. He said, "Aren't you some kind of super-jock?" Ha! I may not fall in that category, but there's few sports I won't try. I had to laugh at this rep I didn't realize I had at work...

I eventually left work and headed for PT, and as I hobbled to the front door, I saw a girl being dropped off with immobilizer on her leg and crutches under arm. "When was your surgery?" I asked. "Yesterday..." she said. Ahhh... I remember being there, and the pain just to stand. I felt for her as I held the door and helped her meet her trainer- my good friend, Drew.

A few exercises into my routine, another girl asked me how far along I was, as she was 3 weeks out. "Your scar looks great!!" she told me... Well, that was awfully kind of her!

OK, ok, ok... enough with the stories. I am not sure when, but at some point in the day, negativity started to crumble from my mentality, little by little. I now found myself in my (currently) dreaded position: being asked to 'walk the runway' for the trainer. Despite my hopes, I did not miraculously shake the limp. But this time I was not barked at on how to fix my gait either, which was refreshing. So it came to the next question... Now what?

I confronted Drew about the whisperings of tendonitis from last session. He would not (and I guess, could not) officially tell me I have it, as that is my doctor's call. However, when asked, he said, "You definitely [catch/pause] maybe have tendonitis." Enough said. He said around 10% of people get it (I'll have to research...) and that it's not that anything was done wrong, that it just sometimes happens. I could ask a million questions- did he push me too hard? Did I take my PT at home too seriously? Did I work through pain I thought was normal, but it was over-use? No matter- I now have direction that "if it hurts, don't do it." I'm going to bend that and say, if it feels good, do it! - which I thought a a nicer tone to it!

So for now, that's exactly what I'll do. At PT we continue to do ultrasound in the area of my patellar tendon (which I read, is a way to treat tendonitis) and ice is rubbed directly on my skin near the incision instead of a wrapped ice pack after PT. Other than that, the only way to 'treat' tendonitis is rest, only do the exercises which don't pain that area, and be patient. Isn't it ironic that being patient is the fastest road to recovery? :)

Week 4 Post-Op Pics

When flexing both legs it appears I'm getting some of my left quad back, but looks can be deceiving. While the 'definition' is starting to show a *little*, it's awfully soft in comparison!

The incision is healing nicely, and I am sure to massage it whenever I think to, which will help loosen the skin (as it's still quite stuck in place) and break up scar tissue beneath it.

Walking the Runway [27 Days Post-Op]

2009-05-11T21:20:00.005-04:00

Today I returned to work, and while it was nice to get back to a 'normal' routine and see some familiar faces, it was a short distraction before I headed to PT in the early evening.

Focus continues to be on evening out my gait. I keep thinking it's mental; that I am just not trusting my leg. However some pains can not be ignored (even after popping a Vicodin pre-PT) and just when I feel I'm improving, I get the same pain (more shooting than general) in the area of my patellar tendon, and my body goes back to the exaggerated limp.

Also, today I was given so many directions to correct my stride as I walked the imaginary red carpet for my trainers: "Let your leg straighten out before swinging it forward." "Bend your knee more." "Pull your surgical leg forward more quickly before you step on it." "Go faster." "Hold your shoulders way back..." My head was spinning and frustrations were mounting as I couldn't seem to do what they were asking. Walking the runway was neither glamorous nor fun. I really was (and am) at a loss.

What scares me is that the two people working with me at PT can't seem to figure out how explain the intermittent pain I'm getting and one of them mentioned the possibility of tendonitis today, which, honestly, has me a little freaked out. With overuse being the primary cause of tendonitis, even hoping I don't have it, I wonder if 'powering through' the pain in hopes of a speedy recovery may actually be hindering my recovery??

Tomorrow I will be 4 weeks post-op, and while I knew it was far fetched (even my surgeon uncle said so), I remember Drew telling me I would be running around 4 weeks. I can only hope that statement was made as incentive, and that it doesn't mean that I'm doing something wrong.

I have my 5 week follow up with the Doctor in 1 week (though I did see him briefly today as he made a random visit to the PT area) and hope to have this settled by then, or at VERY least, be able to get some answers as to where I am in comparison to his other patients at this point, and how I can stay (or get) on track.

Update & Remaining Milestones [26 Days Post-Op]

2009-05-10T18:38:00.009-04:00

I am the first to admit my last post was pretty whiny. I apologize if it didn't leave a good taste in your mouth, but it is part of the recovery process, so no point in sugar-coating it!

But I can say that I am in a better place now. Yes, I am still limping, but I am feeling improvement (or, lack of pain I was feeling before) and am working more on balancing on my surgical leg while it is straightened to gain confidence in my leg as it teeters on the edge of locking/straightening or being just slightly bent. Once I feel good there, I think it will really improve my walking.

While I am physically improving, I am also grateful for the support of others who have either been through (or, will be going through!) this type of procedure, as well as those around me who continue to care about my well-being and encourage me to keep at it! I'm sure I'm not the first person to have moments of frustration and weakness in my recovery, so all I can say to those of you who might experience the same thing -- it will get better! I just hope I can remember my own advice as I continue on!

A few points of interest-

I am no longer on a steady diet of pain medication, as of ~3 weeks post-op. I still pop something before heading to PT, but otherwise think keeping Motrin handy should be enough to curb most discomfort.
I have no pain in standing for longer periods of time. (Immediately after surgery, this was what caused the MOST pain in normal day-to-day!)
I will be returning to work tomorrow (mainly sitting at a desk all day) and while I was capable of returning a week ago, due to a temporary lay-off (don't worry, it's just a week here and there!) my start date was pushed back. I was grateful for the extra week of being able to stay home and focus on recovery.
The most pain I have is in the region of my patellar tendon. Mostly it's caused by the simple motion of straightening the leg from bent, but without any support (As in, if sitting with legs dangling off a chair, trying to lift my foot so leg is straightened out in front of me). Similar to pain felt when trying to do 'straight leg raises' while lying on my back. [Note: I am not sure if this pain is because my graft was taken from this area, or if this occurs in all ACL reconstructions?? I assume the former...]

My upcoming milestones (in no particular order) include:

Getting my bend to ~135° (considered 'normal' range of motion)
Walking and climbing stairs w/o favoring my surgical leg
Going down stairs w/o having to put both my feet on one step before descending the next stair
As mentioned, focus on balancing on my surgical leg while it's straightened
Eventually be able to balance on surgical leg w/leg straightened and remain balanced as I work into a slight bend
Breaking up scar tissue in the area of the incision to allow the skin to move freely over my knee cap
Continue to ice, elevate and massage around knee to reduce swelling and break up scar tissue

Perhaps returning to work will bring me some new challenges (I am thinking sitting in one spot for a bulk of time will end up with a lot of fidgeting so my leg doesn't stiffen up too badly). Either way I am looking forward to a change of pace and starting my return to a 'normal' lifestyle!

And, some photos of my progress. Enjoy!

I can now bend my knee to this angle somewhat (I say that lightly...) comfortably:

Swelling still there, but my knee is slowly showing shape again:
The scar is healing up nicely, though the skin does not move freely over the kneecap yet. I am massaging daily to break up scar tissue:
And how could I forget?! ... Happy Mother's Day!!

"The Wall" or "1 Limp Forward, 2 Limps Back" [22 Days Post-Op]

2009-05-06T23:14:00.008-04:00

Pre-injury I had a half-marathon in mind as one of my next physical undertakings. I'll probably do one, eventually, but clearly my focus is elsewhere now. However, I feel like I'm hitting that 'wall' that runners speak of in full marathons (when they hit the unbelievable distance of 18-20 miles and just can't seem to keep going); but this time, it's not running, it's walking.

Since I'm a big fan of trying to keep positive, I drove to PT today with my music cranked, windows down, and saying to myself, "Today will be great!" Monday was a tough PT for me (summary: on the verge of tears the whole time with various frustrations; and oh yeah, the pain!) but Tuesday I felt like I was starting to get trust back in my walk, and didn't seem to be limping as much. I thought I'd walk into PT today and wow them with my improvement!

I posted before, and it was to describe the troubles I'm having in getting a normal gait. I know this is all part of the process of recovery, but as of today (Wednesday) the task seems daunting again. My trainer spent 1.5 hours with me today trying to problem solve, and I must say, his actions and conversations make me think I have him stumped. First, it seemed I was having trouble with extension. However a few exercises later it became clear that I have no additional pain, nor problem, in getting my surgical leg completely straight. Then, it was a backwards-skateboarding sort of motion on the treadmill, which didn't seem to loosen me up any more or get rid of the pain I was feeling. If this particular pain is normal, Drew did not verbalize that!

We did an ultrasound to send waves of heat deep into my knee to help break up scar tissue and "promote healing", and I was told I may feel less pain immediately after treatment. Honestly, I didn't feel a difference (...and they said I was on a 'high' setting!). Then, when icing, instead of putting a cold pack on my leg (which is typical), we took a block of ice and rubbed it directly on my knee near my incision, and kept the cold localized in the area I feel a 'twisting pain' when trying to walk. Once done with these treatments, I tried walking again, and with a numb knee and my poor walking habits, I still couldn't seem to shake the pain.

So, I wish I was writing to say, Hey, more improvement today! But in actuality, I must say this post is more of a release of my frustrations in my lack of improvement. I know it's a tough road ahead, and I'm not giving up, but knowing walking is my next 'big thing' to overcome makes the frustrations mount as I go in to PT and can't find hint of improvement. Additionally, the incision seems to be stuck in place (skin doesn't move freely over top of the knee/cap area, so there must be scar tissue to break up) and even after going through ~5 minutes of torture/manipulation by Drew today, he didn't get it to loosen any more. How am I supposed to manipulate it at home and see improvement, when there's no way I can inflict that much pain on myself??

To think back on the recent physical pain and mental frustrations I have gone through gets me worked up all over again, and it really is turning into a [negative] vicious cycle. I know I can overcome it, it's just a matter of how.

Just over 3 weeks out, I am still proud of how far I've come and the pain I've tolerated, but I am ready to conquer that next step... this time, without a limp...

Learning to Walk Again [18 Days Post-Op]

2009-05-02T13:10:00.006-04:00

In my second visit to PT (which was 3 days post-op) I was already being challenged to put weight on my surgical leg and try to 'walk' across the PT room. I remember thinking how ridiculous that was, because I was so unsure of my leg (and myself) and it must have looked like a baby deer teetering close to disaster with each step. Even Eric's mom, Sandy, said something to the tune of, "Does this remind you of learning to walk?" and of course, I have no recollection of that, but I'm sure I looked quite similar in technique!

So now I am closing in on 3 weeks post-op, and in yesterday's PT I again felt the pains of the forced bending (not sure what degree we got to but I hope it was 120!) and the frustrations of the most simple uses of my leg, which just aren't coming naturally. However, I have been improving every day (some days more than others!) and I'm now being told to work on 'walking'.

I have officially eliminated the use of crutches (even when going on somewhat uneven terrain) and have been walking in a controlled, slow and short-strided manner. I realize this is not how I want my gait to look when I'm done rehab-ing, but as they say... Baby Steps!

When asked to walk by my trainer yesterday, I made a conscious effort to stand upright (instead of look at my feet) and just walk evenly. Drew called me out on it immediately, telling me to speed up (I was going frightfully slow) and to stop trying to 'control' my stride. I followed directions (like the 'perfect princess' I said I'd be in PT) but there was an über-uncomfortable feeling below my kneecap, and at the times when walking requires balancing on the surgical leg at the sensitive position between completely straight and just bent, I felt like Bambi again.

"Let's put you on the treadmill," Drew said. Wha?! Didn't I just prove I'm not even ready to walk 'normally' yet? But sure enough, I climbed on and Drew took the belt speed up to what is probably a normal walking pace... but I looked like a pirate trying to speed-walk on my brand new peg-leg! Oh, and of course there was the return of the aforementioned pain below the kneecap (in the area of the patellar tendon).

This limping pirate look may have brought Drew back to reality, as I just couldn't seem to go with the 'flow' of the treadmill. So, for 5+ minutes I instead stood with my right leg off to the side of the treadmill belt, and at a much slower belt speed, would put down my left foot and 'walk' with my left leg. (I looked like I was skateboarding now) This allowed me to gradually put more weight on the leg as I got more comfortable, and my new task was to work on taking longer strides and stop avoiding straightening my leg all the way before 'pushing off' and lifting the leg up again.

Unfortunately, I do not have a treadmill or stationary bike at my disposal, so I am unable to work on such activities (and range-of-motion exercises) at home. This didn't stop me from going out today (Saturday) in the lovely noon-day sun and walking ~5 blocks. I tried to follow all of the tips and directions that Drew had given me, but in the end I know it still looked 'controlled' if not limping, because I had a friendly passer-by ask, "Are you OK?"

I compare this attempt at walking to learning to golf. There are so many things to remember when you learn to swing a club: head down, legs slightly bent, grip a certain way, twist your body a certain way, backswing so your arms do or don't bend too much... you get the idea. It's just a little overwhelming to try to remember it all and follow it all to a T. Same goes with this whole 'walking' bit. No matter that I've walked plenty in my lifetime, when it no longer comes 'naturally' it's truly an effort to make walking an effortless motion!

So, while I know I still have a ways to go before strangers aren't concerned for my well-being due to my unconventional walking style, I am making improvement, and that is all I can ask for now!

And because pictures are fun:

Day 16 post-op: I 'cleaned up' the incision area before re-taping. Looks good w/ the exception of the zig-zaggy part at the lower kneecap Day 18 post-op: OK, not a flattering pic at all, but for the sake of comparison, this is a pic with legs in the air, slightly bent and completely relaxed. Note the swelling still obvious to the sides of the knee and lower thigh/knee area. Also, major muscle mass difference in the thighs (lower portion of picture) which I hope to reclaim when this is all over!!

Pity Parties & Impressive Improvement [2 Weeks Post-Op]

2009-04-28T13:40:00.001-04:00

As I start to type this, it's 12:30p - exactly two weeks ago I was checking into Beaumont Hospital with what felt like a perfectly good set of legs. Thanks to an MRI after hearing my knee *pop* in flag football, I knew that I really was in for a treat, as I headed for the pre-op to have my ACL reconstructed from my own patellar tendon.

In two weeks I've overcome some major milestones, from ditching the crutches and immobilizer, gaining some great range of motion, and slowly regaining muscle back in the quad of my surgical leg. Not to mention, getting out of the house to spectate some of my favorite sports teams!

This is not to say that it's been increasing improvement each day, or, without pain. As you may know, within 1 week of surgery, the goal was to get to a 90 degree bend. I was delighted to be able to reach that goal (even though in PT I went through the worst pain I've felt in my life...). Between that 90 degree PT visit and Sunday's home PT (6 days later) I figured I'd gain 5-10 degrees on any given day, and be flying towards full range of motion. Instead, I found myself getting to what looked to still be about 90 degrees and really beating myself up to get just a little more bend.

Welcome to my (then) pity party with RSVP of yours truly. Instead of being happy with at least remaining around 90, I was disappointed. I was coming up on the 2 week mark, and hardly had made progress in 6 days. Sure, I was walking a little more confidently, but I still had (and have) trust issues with my knee. What did I have to show for the previous week? I had even religiously done my PT work at home on Saturday and Sunday, and felt that it had hardly made a difference.

Reality check: At the time of my 1-person pity party, I was still under 2 weeks from major knee surgery. Recovery takes time. I had to remind myself (and be reminded) that I can't get down on myself when I still have 11/12ths of the road to recovery to go!!

This takes me to PT on Monday, 4/27. I worked with Michelle again and the first thing she asked me to do was try to flex my surgical quad. I did, and she lit up and said, "There you go! Much better [than Friday]!!" and with that, my mood started to turn more positive. I went on to do a few more exercises....

After a few warm-up tasks, it came time for the most dreaded part- forced bending. I mentioned to her that I tried to do it at home, but wasn't getting the improvement I'd hoped for. "We'll see..." she said. She tried to keep me occupied with other conversation, and I tried to relax. The less I fight her, perhaps there'd be more bend and less pain. A few slow bends, reaching a somewhat painful point, and coming back off, we maybe bent my leg 3 times or so. Finally, she got the tool to measure how much I was bending and we pushed it one last time...

"Last Friday you were freaking out around 90 degrees and look at you now! Just shy of 120 degrees! That's some impressive improvement!"

With that news, I was ecstatic. I allowed myself to enjoy the surprise of the new range of motion, and finished my work-out with determination. And while I'm not sure what I'm doing at home that might be helping increase the bend, this new achievement supported my plan to keep up with PT at home as if I had a trainer looking over me!

So here I am, 2 weeks post-op and pain and setbacks aside, I feel confident I'm on my way to that full recovery I keep hearing about... ;)

Pics & Feeling of Note [2 Weeks Post Op]

2009-04-28T12:23:00.008-04:00

In addition to how the knee looks, there is still tightness from swelling within the joint, which is primarily responsible for my limited range of motion. Majority of the swelling seems to have gathered above the knee and to the upper sides of the knee (both on the front of the leg). I try to massage these areas to help move the fluid upward towards my lymph node.

Also, nerves were cut when the incision was made, so directly to the outside of the incision I have a numb spot that I'm told will regain feeling in the next 6-12 months as the nerves grow back.

Finally, every time I go from bent to completely straight in my surgical leg, there is a small pop (think of two tendons rubbing together, not even a 'crack' feeling) in the area of the bruising on the back of my leg. I am told this is again due to swelling, and these two tendons are just being pushed onto each other. I will probably continue to ask about it until the feeling goes away. It isn't painful, but a little uncomfortable.

Pics - 2 weeks post-op

Swelling found mostly to the upper sides and top of the knee;

Quad muscle atrophy in the L leg w/ noticeable difference b/t legs even when relaxed

Bruising on the inside of the calf much less noticeable; Bruising on the back of the knee fading significantly

I'm Only Cheating Myself [9-10 Days Post-Op]

2009-04-24T23:00:00.006-04:00

When I chose to have surgery, I knew my 'comeback' would be almost solely dependant on my efforts with physical therapy. I remember telling people that "all I can do once I have surgery is be a perfect little princess in rehab and do everything to a T so that I can return to sports nice and strong." This (along with walking down stairs, bending to 90 degrees and balancing on my surgical leg...) is easier said than done.

At PT today I worked with a different trainer, Michelle, who I had seen before but never met. Turns out I really liked her (mostly because she did the forced bend more slowly and evenly!). In addition to some 'usual' exercises there, I was asked to do handful of the exercises I'd been tasked to do at home. But in PT there was the fact that I was under the watchful eye of a trainer, and in that case I will always be more determined to really push myself.

What I noticed is that yes, I do exercises at home, but I don't do them religiously, and it was showing. One of the biggest comebacks in rehab is getting your quads (thigh muscles) to fire again, and basically return stabilization to the knee by using those muscles. One exercise to do this is to sit with your legs out in front of you and simply flex your quad muscle (which, in turn, forces your leg straight and knee towards the ground). Sounds easy, (and, IS easy in my non-surgical leg) but it's a real struggle on my surgical leg.

Another exercise is laying on your stomach, propping your surgical leg up on the toes (instead of keeping toes pointed) and again, flexing the quad so the leg straightens (instead of at rest, where the leg bends at the knee and rests on the floor). The pictures of the back of my legs, below, shows this.

These exercises are simple in concept, but when Michelle asked me if I was doing them at home, I knew the answer was, "Well, kind of" instead of the "Yes! 3 times a day!" and it reminded me that I really need to keep up my end of the bargain at home so PTherapy doesn't turn into PTorture every other day.

That said, it doesn't mean there hasn't been improvement. My rotations on the stationary bike were a *little* easier today, walking is becoming easier, I can stand longer without my knee feeling like it's going to explode... And exercises such as straight-leg raises while sitting or balancing on my surgical leg are showing definite improvement.

I work with Michelle again on Monday, and I am looking forward to it. Over the weekend I plan to make time for my exercises and push myself as if someone were standing over me, because I want to be able to answer her with a confident "Yes!" if I'm asked again if I'm doing my part at home.

More photos:

8 Days Post-Op

Featured as of my 1-week follow-up: New tape on the incision!

9 Days Post-Op

4 Minutes Well Spent [Informational Animation of the Surgery]

2009-04-23T11:02:00.002-04:00

I was playing around on YouTube today and found this great animation of the surgery I had done. CLICK HERE to view the video. It's quite informative, and also shows why I have a small scab ~5 inches above my knee.

The only difference is that I did not use the 'continuous passive motion machine'. I'm on my own for regaining range of motion!

Cheers!

Screws and Glowing Reviews [8 Days Post-Op; First Follow-up Visit]

2009-04-22T21:07:00.007-04:00

With a promise from Drew that he'd be kinder to me in PT today than Monday, I breathed a little easier as I limped into the building wearing only the immobilizer. We started out on a stationary bike, again using my right leg to control the rotation of the pedals, and slowly working my way to full revolutions (causing my leg to bend to an uncomfortable but somewhat tolerable angle).

With the exception of a little forced straightening (which, I am pretty much there on my own, so it's not nearly as painful as bending), we stuck to some classic exercises to work on my range of motion. These exercises can be found in the 4/22 entry on my ACL Calendar.

Immediately following PT, I went upstairs in the same building to have my 1 week follow-up visit with Dr. Jeffrey Shapiro.

First, x-rays were taken. I am not sure this was entirely necessary, since there were no bone issues found in the pre-op MRI nor seen in surgery. However, this time I was all for it, because I wanted to see the two titanium screws that were holding my reconstructed ACL (aka, patellar tendon) in place! How do you like 'em?

After x-rays were taken, I had to wait a while so I listened to the hub-bub of the doctor's office that was going on outside of my exam room. I was so glad to be on the other side of the surgery now, and while there is still a lot to experience and learn, at least this wasn't all brand new to me anymore, and I wasn't nearly as scared!

When Dr. Shapiro finally came in, he gave me eye contact, a firm handshake, a smile and the inevitable question, "How are you doing?" I was comforted that I didn't feel like 'just another patient' and I give Dr. S credit for that, which perhaps I didn't give him the first time I met him.

The physical exam was short. First, he had me straighten the leg on the table in front of me (and said, "Good!" when he saw I could straighten it to zero degrees). Once straight, he placed his hands at the top and bottom of my kneecap which caused a jerk reaction: my body went completely stiff and I grabbed his closest arm (thanks a LOT PT!!). We actually both had a laugh at that, as I apologized, relaxed and he said he was just glad I didn't hit him! hehe...

With his hands at the top and bottom of my knee, he carefully manipulated the kneecap, squeezed a little here and there, and finally, tested for looseness. For you dedicated readers, you might remember how painful my initial visit with Dr. S was when he did this same test for 'looseness' and originally diagnosed my torn ACL. I am happy to report that he was not only a little more gentle this time, but thanks to a successful surgery, there was hardly any pain.

Finally, he had me bend it to 90 degrees (which, since I had recently iced after finishing PT was a little more difficult than I'd wanted), but I got there nonetheless. He was satisfied!

There was a quick Q&A, but basically he said that there were no other issues found within my knee during the surgery, and that if I keep on track with PT he expects nothing less than a full recovery. I didn't think he'd tell me any differently, but it was great to hear! From here I won't need to see Dr. Shapiro for another month.

And, I hope this isn't too long-winded (feel free to stop reading) but when the Dr's assistant [Krista!] came to re-tape the incision area, I learned something new. After surgery my incision had been stitched up from the inside using bioabsorbable stitches. Up until today there had been just one piece of vertical tape, which had a white string coming off of it. I thought this was just a piece of the tape, but this was the end of the stitching! So once untaped, Krista gave this string a gentle pull and cut it as close to the skin as possible. It was an odd sensation, but maybe moreso because I then knew that it ran inside of my knee and was holding the incision together!! In this pic you can kind of see the loose 'string' coming off the bottom of the one piece of tape that doesn't align w/ the rest:

I was then re-taped, and sent on my way. Before going, I asked if I could get a copy of the arthroscopic images taken during the surgery. They're in black and white, plus I have no clue what I'm looking at, but it's so great to have more fun images to share!

8 Days down... The better part of 6 months to go!

A Monumental Week [7 Days Post-Op]

2009-04-21T22:12:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow is my 4th Physical Therapy and my first post-op appointment with Dr. Jeff Shapiro- I promise to get an entry up about that tomorrow... But, first things first: Here we are, 7 days post-op!!

If you would have told me this week would go by so quickly, I wouldn't have believed you. But trials and tribulations aside, there have been some definite improvements that have me keeping a positive mind in my eventual recovery!

I can bend beyond 90 degrees and straighten to zero degrees
I can bear all of my body weight on my surgical leg (veeery carefully)
I can walk (albeit slowly and quite hobble-ish) without aid of crutches or a brace
I can get up and down stairs without assistance
I can drive
I can bathe (woo hoo!)

Of course, there are many milestones including:

Going up and down stairs w/o having to take them one at a time
Walking w/o a limp
Regain balance (on both and) in my surgical leg
Regaining entire range of motion
Running
Returning to sports (this is KEY for my sanity!!)
Getting back to 'normal' !

I understand this will take 6-12 months, and I'm not planning on being a hero and getting out there too early. However, I hope I can continue with physical torture... I mean therapy (!) with vigor until I'm where I am capable of being, both physically and mentally! Of course I wouldn't be able to do it without a strong network of support, so again, thank you to everyone for all your help and kindness.

And because everyone likes photos (or, is it starting to gross you out?!)... some Day 7 post-op pics, for reference:
Increased yellowing and bruising, primarily on the inside of the knee and a little down the shin.
Bruising has also come about on the back of the knee:

I don't seem to have any trouble straightening to Zero degrees, and there has been no change in the incision area, as I have not removed the tape nor gotten it wet. Bending the knee continues to be a challenge, and I can get it to about 100 degrees but not without pain.

Until tomorrow...

Bruising, Driving, Pain and Ditching the Crutches [6 Days Post Surgery]

2009-04-20T21:45:00.004-04:00

I have heard of people getting bruising all the way down their shin and around their knee (seems normal since there was a saw, a drill and 2 screws in the mix of the procedure) but I hadn't seen too much of that on myself until recently.

Since pictures are worth 1000 words, here are some shots which show a little of the bruising, as well as my improvement in getting my knee to bend at home. [Remember, the Day 6 goal was 90 degrees per my Physical Therapist, Drew...] The swelling and tightness within the knee was what was keeping me from bending any further:

4 Days Post-Op:

5 Days Post Op:

6 Days Post-Op:

Now, granted, the pic above of 90 degrees was taken after PT, but to my credit, I did try at home that morning, and got to ~85 degrees and was delighted! As you can see here, on my way to PT I was able to get myself into the car and also crack a smile. Clearly I did not know what was waiting for me behind PT #3...

I arrived in my immobilizer and on crutches, and made my way so I could unwrap everything as I sat on one of the padded PT tables.

First, sitting upright with legs extended in front of me, I did 45 reps of using a belt around my surgical foot to pull the heel towards my butt, causing my leg to bend, then using my leg to push back out to straight. This is an easy way to 'warm up' the joint, as shown here during my at-home PT:Next, it was extend and bend time. I was lying on my back with legs extended as Drew massaged the lower thigh and knee-cap area. It was a cross between being painful and a relief. This manipulation lasted about 30 seconds, before he stood up (I was laying around his waist level) and he then leaned into my knee, forcing my leg to straighten as much as possible. In my opinion, I thought he was trying to bend my knee backwards, and this surprise pain caused me to flop around a bit. But it was nothing compared to PT#2's forced bend. I was then asked to flip over on my stomach, and got further massage on the back of my knee. In my few visits I knew this to be the prelude to a very painful forced bend, so already I was getting anxious. He did distract me though, by massaging the bruised area on the back of my knee (pictured below) which hurt a bit, but not terribly. Then, the moment I'd been dreading.

I am not sure where he places his hands, as I get into a foggy mentality at that point. But needless to say, he pushes my knee to bend beyond comfortable (or even uncomfortable) limits, into the screaming, gasping, never-felt-pain-like-this-before range. This is not meant to scare anyone, but I would not have wanted to watch this being done to myself or anyone else. Even though I was in an open PT area with other recovering people around me, I had no ability to limit the noises and cries coming out of my mouth. I actually cried/yelled, "STOP-STOP-STOP-STOP-STOP!!!" as he continued to bend my knee. Eventually, he did stop (this forced motion probably took all of 15-20 seconds, but felt like an eternity). My only saving grace was that instead of doing this 3 times, as he had done on Friday, he only did it once.

Drew told me he bent it to 95-100 degrees. I'm all for working towards a successful recovery, but be HONEST with me, man! If you're expecting more than 90, don't tell me 90! 5-10 degrees may not SEEM like a big difference, but trust me, I could feel every little degree (and the people around me could HEAR it!). There was an older man on the next table over who tried to make me feel better saying he's been through the same thing, but unless I heard his cries of pain, words didn't offer much consolation at that point. What I needed were Kleenex and more Vicodin....

PT carried on in challenging fashion, as I was forced to walk the ~80ft to a bike in the corner w/out brace or crutches, and it was all about being able to put full weight on the surgical leg, which I didn't think I could do w/out it giving out from under me. I had to trust Drew. I had to trust the guy who just put me in the most pain of this whole experience. Talk about a wild inner monologue.

I made it to the bike, where I used the force of my right leg to work on range of motion (ROM) for my surgical leg. Slowly I worked my leg forward and backward around the 'U' made by the lower portion of the pedal revolution, until I could finally make a full revolution with just a little pain.

After that it was more walking, some balancing, some marching in place and finally, icing my knee at the end. I was exhausted and in pain, but at least it was all over.

I went to leave, immobilizer on my leg and crutches under my armpits. As I said goodbye to Drew he looked at me with wild eyes and said, "What are you doing?!" and he motioned to an assistant, "Take those crutches away from her! No more crutches!" I became protective of my supportive crutches and responded, "OK, OK! I won't use them! But I'll carry them myself!" and hobbled my way to my car, where my crutches still sit.... So it's official, I've ditched the crutches!

There are no 'goals' for Wednesday PT, and Drew did say he promised not to beat up on me too badly every time, but perhaps every other time. I don't know what that means, but I did admit to him that if it is necessary for recovery, he can do whatever he wants (what was I THINKING?!). Maybe next time I'll bring a flask.... !

For further comparison to previous days, here are some shots from Day 6 Post-Op:

Getting Out and Many Thanks!! [4-5 days Post Surgery]

2009-04-19T18:36:00.013-04:00

Saturday Afternoon (4th day post-op):

Previously I'd only left the house for PT, and those trips were a challenge in their own right, getting into and out of my helpful driver's back seats and bracing myself for each little bump in the road. However, Saturday we were able to leave the house to get some ice cream from Clark's in Berkley....

We then went to dinner (yes, AFTER ice cream!) at one of our FAVE local establishments, The Living Room/Amici's Pizza. I wasn't able to enjoy my usual Samoa Martini, thanks to the pain meds, but I was just happy getting out! Also, the owners, Jen and Maureen both made a point to talk to me and wish me a speedy recovery, which meant a lot to me!

[THANK YOU to Eric and his mom, Sandy, who've helped immensely in my post-surgical days!]

While I'm thanking, a shout out to my Mom, Dad, and Janice for also making a trip (or two!) to town to stay with me and help me through the days surrounding the surgery. Now that I find myself home alone more often than not, I realize just how very helpful everyone was, as well how much I've enjoyed everyone's company!! :)

[Daddio and Mom as they switched care taking shifts on Wednesday morning... Muchas Gracias!!]

Sunday (5th Day Post-Op):

True to the usual Sunday tradition, it was a lazy day, with the exception of a little PT at home to work towards Monday's goal of a 90 degree bend in my knee. Sandy was headed back home after spending 3+ days with us, and before she went we made sure to do a 'trial run' of me getting in and out of my own car, so I'd be able to drive myself to 10am PT on Monday. It was entertaining since I'm 5'10" and drive one of the smallest cars (a little Saturn sedan), but after nearly sitting in my passenger seat to get my straight/immobilized left leg into the footwell of the drivers side, I did prove that I was capable, however awkward!!

Even though this little 'trial run' seemed silly at first, it felt good to know I had the freedom of my car back!

And, finally, Sunday marked another great event- the start of the Outdoor Soccer Season of LOS HOOLIGANS F.C.- I can't wait to get back out and join you guys!!

No Pain, No Gain [3-4 Days Post Surgery]

2009-04-18T15:00:00.003-04:00

Time to bust my butt. I already talked of my first Physical Therapy visit, which was no cake-walk, but also was understanding my mental limitations when it came to rehab. Between that Wednesday afternoon and now (Saturday afternoon) I have learned even more about my abilities (physical and mental) as well as had some mini-accomplishments, including getting outside (today is GORGEOUS!) and taking my first shower! (I am not sure who is more excited about that last one - me or my caretakers, Eric and Sandy! hehe)

Let me give you a quick insight into how things are going here at home. My go-to spot is the living room couch. I have not ventured upstairs to the master bedroom, so I've made this my spot 24/7. I have slept surprisingly well! Within reach I have my crutches, some snacks, puzzles, the laptop, my camera (of course!), water and meds. The coffee table has been moved so the room is open in the middle, and I use this open space to do my PT at home; as shown here:
[Laying on my belly, I am using my non-surgical leg to try to bend my surgical leg to regain range of motion]

Also nearby is the ThermoCompression Unit, which is a machine which cycles 43 degree distilled water/alcohol mixture through a cuff which velcros around my surgical leg. In addition to the cold mixture, it also pumps air into the cuff (alternating, slowly making the cuff more and more tight around my knee). This is similar to the Game Ready unit the same company provides, but I do not have to continuously add ice to it to keep it cool. Here is a pic of me while icing/compressing using the ThermoCompression Unit:

[I try to do this 20-30 minutes each hour when possible. Control unit seen on the TV tray table]

So, that's really my daily grind. Yesterday (4/17, 3 days post-surgery) was my second PT visit, and while I understand, "No Pain, No Gain" , I also would never wish this upon anyone else. (I have also admitted that I am happy girls can get away with more tears in situations like this, because the 2nd PT was quite more difficult and as tough as I thought I was, I donated my share of tears...) Here was the routine:

(A) In seated position with legs in front of me: 15 Electric Shocks via 2 electrode pads (roughly 2"x3") placed on surgical thigh to force muscles to contract for 10 seconds (then rest for 50 seconds).

(B) Lying on back, keeping surgical leg straight, lift heel off ground and lift ~2' from ground. 3 sets of 10 (I had some assistance from Drew on first set because my brain was having a hard time telling the muscles to work.

(C) Lying on stomach, Drew forced my surgical leg to bend to ~75 degrees. This was by far the most painful thing, done 3 times. I was crying and moaning the whole time, and I felt bad for anyone else who had to witness it!

(D) Without crutches, I had to walk ~80'. This was truly learning to walk again. Drew had to walk backwards in front of me, with his hands out so I could use them for balance. This was not as awful as the forced leg bend, but since walking forced me to put weight on my surgical leg and try to get muscles to fire and work, this was the second most difficult task.

(E) My walking destination was an exercise machine which puts you in a sitting position with your legs in front of you, slightly lowered. Each foot is on an independent pedal/step, and as I extended my right leg, it would force my left (surgical) leg to bend, and for 10 minute

s I did this back and forth pushing to work on range of motion in my surgical leg.

(F) Walk (with 10% help from crutches) to where I iced my leg for 10 minutes using the aforementioned 'game ready' machine.

This may be one of the few times I have to pat myself on the back for pushing through the pain and working towards the greater goal of getting my leg back to normal! *pat, pat* But I can't discredit the encouragement of Sandy (who watched the torture occur), as well as all the kind words that you all continue to give me. Thank You!

And, after that windy entry, I'll breeze through the last few points...

I TOOK A SHOWER!! hehe Thanks to a little pre-planning, including a removable shower head, this was the basic set-up that allowed me to clean up!

[To avoid falling, I had the aid of a little stool. I am allowed to get the incision area wet, but am avoiding it as best I can to keep the tape on which will help the scar heal better!]

Some pics of the wound- Here is 3 days post surgery:

And here is 4 days post surgery (today) which has shown the very first signs of any bruising, on the inside of the knee (tho it is yellow, and not black-and-blue):

And finally, I can not discount how GORGEOUS the weather is today (low 70's I've heard!), and what great encouragement that is to want to get outside! So, to continue to work on my walking, I took to the streets (ok, just our sidewalk...) and practiced!

I might be slow, but this is just the beginning of my comeback! Yippee!! ;)

Back to Basics, PT [1-2 day post-surgery]

2009-04-16T13:21:00.010-04:00

Knee Surgery. Patellar Tendon Graft. ACL Reconstruction. Arthroscopic Surgery. Bone Saws. Drilling into my bones. Two titanium screws holding the graft in place. All of this is BEHIND me!! The fact that I have avoided some pretty normal side effects (nausea, extreme pain included) I continue to consider myself blessed to be feeling how I am right now! But let me take you back to 4pm yesterday, as I gingerly crutched myself into the Physical Therapy room where I'd done pre-hab before.

I skipped sign-in, in hopes of finding a seat where I could elevate my leg again. The worst pain has been when all that blood goes rushing to the knee area at first stand!! But it tends to subside, slightly, enough to be tolerable. But I didn't see Drew, my physical therapist, right away, so I laid out on a table until someone told me to move. Our first steps were to remove the immobilizer (which I'd only worn when in the car from the hospital, and now, on the way to PT) and then to undress the wound. There was an ace bandage from my mid-calf to mid-thigh, and under that, a layer of gauze. Around the knee was additional gauze and tape covering the incision sight. Once all of this was peeled away, it looked a lot like this:

As you can tell, I haven't taken the time to shower, as the doc's and my initials are still on my surgical leg!! But the wound was a lot 'prettier' than I expected, as I assumed there'd be more bruising, and perhaps oozing, in the area of the cut. I hear the bruising is on it's way, but otherwise I had minimal additional bleeding, and while this is good for clean-up, it may mean there's extra work for my body to do to relieve the swelling. No worries!

So, at this point I was fully exposed and thought Drew would give me a few pointers on how to be a little more mobile, give me a few things to do at home (simple, like wriggling my toes on the surgical leg), perhaps clean up my wound a little, and be on my way. In these assumptions, I was WRONG. Time to make me work!

First a baseline. I could get my leg completely straight, which is great. As far as bending, I could only get to about 35 degrees. Goal: 90 degrees by Monday (5 days after this visit). As a matter of fact, Drew said if I can't get it to 90 degrees by Monday.... HE will. Yikes.

From here it was a series of seemingly simple exercises for my leg, but it was my mind that took the real toll. I consider myself somewhat tough, but I was so scared that certain motions or movements would hurt, that limited me more than anything else. So whether it was trying to bend or straighten, or trying to use my quad muscles to move my leg, I had a VERY difficult time. And, being scared had me pretty emotional as well- I had to trust that Drew wasn't (a) asking me to do something I couldn't do and (b) if I required his support in moving or lifting my leg, I had to know he wouldn't move or twist too fast, or worse yet, drop my foot or leg unexpectedly. Of COURSE, he was 100% trustworthy, and knows what he's doing, but I felt so vulnerable, it was, again, just mentally tough for me.

This doesn't mean all the exercises were a piece of cake. We did about 5 or so, all just working on firing my quad muscles, or gaining range of motion, sometimes using gravity as an aid, when I couldn't get muscles to fire. (Some more detail available in the 4/15 PT entry of ACL calendar, found in the links to the righthand side...).

All of this reminded me... don't forget to BREATHE. I found myself not relaxing when I needed to, or holding my breath as I did something strenuous. I am lucky to have had an upbringing where I was often told to 'take a few deep breaths' and I will definitely be calling on those skills as I challenge myself in PT in the coming weeks.

Drew tells me I'll be running in 4 weeks. My orthopedic surgeon uncle said this is a very aggressive recovery, so I will follow directions, but don't plan to be a hero and try to get out there before I am good and ready. I am still assuming 6 months before I can get back to what I really love - those organized team sports!

But at home, while there are times of discomfort, I am getting so much support from Eric and my family (and his!) and it's been pretty seamless. I hope to continue in this fashion, and while there are sure to be times of difficulty, I will still manage to try and keep a light heart about it all. Thanks to my great friends and family, I have lots to keep me busy (and, fatten me up as I sit on the couch! hehe) and I am so grateful for that!

Next PT visit is tomorrow (Friday, 4/17) at 4pm. Until then, I'll work on exercises at home, and keep a positive outlook. How could I not, in this atmosphere? ....
But I can't say it enough... THANK YOU to EVERYONE for your amazing support!! xoxo

The Moment We've All Been Waiting For... [Surgery Re-cap]

2009-04-15T13:06:00.002-04:00

Well, it's done! I am the proud owner of a reconstructed ACL, not to mention having conquered my first (and hopefully ONLY) surgery! Here is how the day of events unfolded to bring me to blogging for you on my couch w/ a fully wrapped leg!

4/14/09 - 12:15p

We were a little early for our 12:30 arrival, but prior to this we were just standing around in the kitchen, eager to go anyhow. Once E parked the car and met us in the South Entrance lobby, we headed up to the second floor. There we found the 'waiting room' for the surgical area, which was really a lobby in itself. It was here that I gave them my name, got an ID bracelet, and waited to be 'called back'. Eric and my mom had to wait there when they did come get me a few minutes later.

12:40p

Once I was taken back, they took my blood pressure, my heart rate, my temperature... Then I was asked to put on 'the gown'. It's true what I'd read in another person's ACL blog - they don't let you wear your unders! (What the?!?) In addition to the gown, I was given a stunning thigh-high stocking to wear on my non-surgical leg, and hospital issued brown socks.

1:00p

After I was all dressed down, I was then given the IV and told to sign my surgical knee. There were about 50 checks and balances to be sure we didn't accidentally cut into the wrong leg, but that was more comforting than annoying... Also, at this point Eric and my Mom were allowed to come keep me company until I was taken into surgery. Soon, Dr. Shapiro came in and signed my knee as well...

(nice stocking, eh? hehe) It was in between 1p and 230p that I met all kinds of people... Two nurses (Laura and Susan) had hooked up the IV and done some paperwork. Then came Tracy, the nurse that would be helping during surgery. I also met Randy, the anesthesiologist, and the nurse anesthetist, Shelly. And, of course, Dr. Shapiro. Throughout the introductions everyone was so kind and helpful, happy to answer any questions and I felt like they were really giving me their attention. I've had some poor experiences in the medical field before, and the way things went, I was confident my surgery would be fine. The procedure itself should take ~45 minutes, but they have the room blocked for 2 hours to include set-up, surgery, clean-up, and prepping for the next surgery.

2:35p

After one last trip to the bathroom (dragging along my IV, my Mom teased that I reminded her of a cartoon, but was just missing having my butt exposed by the gown! hehe), I was then given some substance via IV, where Shelly told me it would just feel like I'd 'had a few drinks'. It did hit pretty quickly, but I was still aware enough to answer questions and talk to people. They then rolled me into the surgery room and I saw Randy, who would be giving me general anesthesia, as we had discussed earlier. [I was comforted by his MSU bandana!] I was told to take a few deep breaths.....

5:00p (?I think?)

All of a sudden I'd lost a few hours of my life! I was groggy and looking around; not in the surgical room anymore. I think this was a recovery room of sorts, but I was still on the bed and a few people were milling about, and another post-surgical patient was on the other side of the room The hospital staff asked me a few questions, but I don't remember what. I do recall trying to be funny in my responses, but I wish I could recall what I'd said! I drifted in and out once or twice, and recall them taking the sticky pads off my chest and ribs. Finally I became more permanently aware, and then they rolled me into a personal recovery room. After being sat in a recliner, I was given some graham crackers and apple juice, and finally, some vicodin! By now it was closer to 6:15p and between the local anesthesia that was injected in my knee at the end of the surgery, the fentanyl and vicodin, I was actually pretty comfortable. Once it was clear that I wasn't going to be sick from the drugs with no food in my stomach, I was taken to the car in a wheelchair, and the three of us headed back home to Thomas Ave.

So... There you have it! I was a little groggy, but for the most part felt aware. I was able to answer some text messages and carry on conversations. For some reason I thought I'd be so drugged up that everything I'd say would be nonsensical, but that was not the case. And, once the script for vicodin was filled, I was able to remain pretty comfortable as the other drugs wore off.

I ended up staying on the couch all night (no point in trying to make it up a flight of stairs to bed!) and was able to sleep well enough. I even had some great dreams about my knee healing, recovery, and being back out on the soccer field! All of this has to be a good sign, right?

So, now it is 1:00p, the day after the surgery, and while there is more pain now than there was at all yesterday, it's mostly manageable. Getting up to the bathroom is the hard part, but can be done. I have a PT visit at 4pm today, and believe all we'll do is undress my knee and take a look at where I am to start.

Again, THANK YOU everyone. I feel so loved and have gotten so much support, I truly am blessed!!

Today's the Day! [Surgery Day]

2009-04-14T09:43:00.002-04:00

Luckily for the past week or so I've had lots of distractions from my upcoming Surgery. Tigers opening day was a BLAST on Friday, as just being downtown in that atmosphere with friends (including the ones you meet that day!) and a few drinks, and some cupcakes (happy belated bday, Carrie and Eric!) .... Well, what could possibly go wrong? Saturday morning we had breakfast with Dave Birr and Eric's 2 nephews (11 and 9 yrs old) and we had a good laugh over convincing them I was having a monkey tendon put in my knee, and when the surgery was over I'd be scratching myself more and have a new found love of bananas! The rest of Saturday and Sunday were a little more low-key, but I was still busy enough (and not physically hindered!) to not be worrying about my knee. I even rode around the golf course with Eric on Sunday and worked on my chipping and putting one last time! (Masters, here I come!)

Yesterday was a day off work for Lear (my employer) so I had the day to myself at home. I thought about trying to really 'make it count' , but ended up cleaning and running a few errands (including a drive-by the hospital where they told me I'll need to go since I was already up in the area...) And it was one of those mental things, where previously I thought I'd be more worked up about it, but really, it was just another day.

I got a call in the early afternoon telling me my surgery time would be 2:30pm, so to arrive at Beaumont-Royal Oak Hospital at 12:30pm. I would have preferred an earlier time (just to get it over with, to be honest!) but that has left me with this nice time this morning to relax, take my time, and enjoy the morning to myself before Eric and my mom (who came into town last night) are still asleep. Funnily enough, the only real hassle of this later surgery time is that I was told not to eat or drink after midnight last night. I'm OK now, but I imagine come 2:30p my stomach will have it's own thoughts on the subject!!

So, last night we figured how to set the laptop up to the TV to take advantage of my new NetFlix account, and also watched all 2 hours of the $5 DVD I picked up at Best Buy - SNL's "The Best of Steve Martin" ... It was a fun distraction (and has me thinking of Halloween '09 already!!) ... and lead me right up to a nice cup of tea to round out the night around 11:30pm. [Did you think I wouldn't try to eat and drink right up until midnight? C'mon now!] :)

And after many sleepless nights in the last month and a half since my injury (some due to the injury, but many more due to the over-active brain of mine, which prior to this was never an issue at night...) I finally got a mostly solid good nights sleep, and feel refreshed going into today's events!

Out of everything though, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone for your overwhelming support. I know when it comes down to it, this is a routine surgery being done by an amazing doctor, and I'll be one of the 150 ACL reconstructions he'll do this year... But, of course it's more than that to me, and knowing I have so many of your well wishes, support, prayers, good vibes... call it what you want!... it just means so much!! After this blog I promise to get back into the real details of the surgery and keep my readers riveted!! ;) [Well, we'll see...]

Cheers!

Cruise Control [8 Days Pre-Surgery]

2009-04-06T14:29:00.005-04:00

It’s been almost 2 weeks since I’ve given an ‘update’ but that’s because right now I’m just coasting into surgery time. I’ve kept up with PT, but each visit is now the exact same routine. My “I’m going to do every little exercise to the best of my ability!” attitude has dimmed a little, as I think I’ve reached my pre-hab peak and the monotony of the exercises have dulled the experience a little. Not to mention, having to sit out of indoor soccer games, skipping softball and soccer practices, and only being able to slowly ride a bike next to Eric as he runs; it’s all I can do to try and keep my chin up as I’m missing out on my fave activities! Pity party aside, I do expect my mentality to come back around once I have surgery and can work on progress in rehab, and hopefully I can keep myself occupied by having the physical challenges to rise to!

Nowadays the knee is feeling very… normal! As I mentioned before, it’s hard to think that I feel just fine now, but will be putting myself through this surgery and a challenging rehab, just to feel this good again. Being able to plan to be barely mobile is a weird thing to do: it feels like planning for a car to break down. Most people just don’t get this luxury! I’ve been lucky to have the time to do research (and pre-hab) and rest my engineering mind. That, plus the pre-op prep around the house, will surely lead to me keeping my cool around surgery time, right?!

At the homestead the guest bedroom is all cleaned up for my mom, dad and Eric’s mom, respectively, as they’ll be helping me out during the week of surgery. I borrowed crutches (thanks Ed!) and Eric and I put in a removable shower head that will prove helpful in the beginning ‘difficult to stand’ days! Otherwise it’s the little things – like cleaning the floors and getting all the laundry up to speed - that will just be easier now instead of during recovery!

As I tie up those loose ends, I am still faced with the question- what will I do while I’m spending most of my time on the couch, resting and icing after surgery? There are the obvious- reading, puzzles and crosswords, TV/Movies (a trial membership to Netflix may be in order!)… Heck, I might even work on my Mario Kart for N64 so I can continue to take Dan to Koopa Troopa… But, then what? Blogging, surfing the internet and playing solitaire are sure to lose their luster after a few days. It’s here, my friends, that I would love to know what YOU would do!! Expected date to return to work is April 28, so I’ll have some time to kill!

Until then, the cruise control is on and I’ve got lots of fun things to occupy myself until next week… Seeing a show with Sarah, Detroit Tiger’s opening day on Friday, celebrating Eric’s birthday this weekend (Happy Bday, Babe!)… Oh, and did I mention watching MSU tonight in the NCAA CHAMPIONSHIP GAME?!!

GO GREEN!

(Photo Compliments of Margie's Phone during Saturday's big Final 4 win!!)

“You don’t look it!” [19 Days Pre-Surgery]

2009-03-26T15:34:00.008-04:00

I’ve completed my first week of prehab and will be back at it again on Monday. The 2nd and 3rd visit were much more challenging, and when I walk funny now it’s not because my knee hurts, but because we’re waking up leg muscles I either haven’t used in a while or just rarely use in general! But it’s nice to feel the burn and break a sweat again (and yes, even the soreness is rewarding!) Honestly, with just a little tightness within my injured knee at straight or all the way bent, I feel back to normal. I haven’t tried any running or sports (no point in adding another injury to my knee) but it’s an odd circumstance: feeling fine, but knowing it’s going to get a lot worse and then take lots of work to get back to having this confidence in my leg again. What an odd challenge.

I am learning the ropes of how the PT area works, and getting the vibe in general. It’s interesting to go in there and see people doing the same silly exercises I am (i.e., today I was told to ‘walk like Godzilla’ while I had a resistance band figure-eighted around my feet…) and to watch how people go about their routines. In just 3 days I’ve seen people across all ages, most fitness levels and definitely levels of determination. It was odd to see a woman, perhaps in her early 40’s, complaining. “I’m tired. I don’t like this exercise. Do I have to do more? Uggh…” If you’re in that room, you probably NEED to be there, and it boggles my mind that there’s another option than to go in, do your best at the exercises you’re given, and (unless it truly is too painful to bear) keep any negativity to yourself, because this is a place of recovery! Right? Aside from the one complainer though, I think most others share my view. There are lots of smile-and-nods as I cross people’s paths, and sometimes a small conversation (“What kind of surgery did you have?”) because no matter the injury, chances are we can relate!

My favorite moment of today was when I was side-stepping (again, w/ a resistance band around my feet) across the room and a gentleman (late 50’s? 60’s?) pointed at me and said, “You don’t look it!” At first I was confused, but I looked at the logo on my shirt (that explains the pointing!) and it was from last year’s softball team:

So, once I realized what he meant, I took it as a compliment, chuckled and thanked him. I know I’m still closer to 20 days away from my surgery, but I hope the vibe I give off is pleasant yet determined, and while it’s sure to cross my mind, that I never succumb to being “scared *hitless”!

[It also makes me wonder if he would have spoke to me in Spanish had I been wearing my 'Los Hooligans' soccer team shirt?] ;)

*Note* I've added a link to ‘ACL Calendar’ where I’ll track days of PT and what exercises I did each day. This will help me track post-op progress, and also help me remember the goal to get back to once I’m in the recovery stages. If you care to see what they’re having me do, open up any past entry!

Physical Therapy [22 Days Pre-Surgery]

2009-03-23T10:00:00.000-04:00

Eric and I have coined my early visits 'Prehab' since it's a completely different focus than my rehab will be, post-surgery.

I arrived promptly before 7am and waited patiently in the lobby. At about 7:10 I decided no one was going to get me, so I went into the PT area and found Drew, the trainer. Note to self: Sign in, walk in, and get things started on your own if you don’t want to be waiting around next time!

After a 10 minute warm-up on a stationary bike, Drew took a look at my leg to see if straightness had improved since our initial meeting. Since I’d been doing the exercises he’d given me previously, I knew it was improved. He watched my gait as I walked the runway, and while it feels different in my left knee, my stride is even and balanced. From there we did a handful of things. Calf stretches, hamstring stretches, straightening my ‘surgical leg’ against a resistance band which went behind my knee, and calf raises. Easy-peezy lemon-squeezy! But as I thought my visit was winding down, he added just a few more exercises. First, surgical leg one-leg-press (he had me try it out when the weight was at 30#, but promptly raised it to 150# once instruction was over…!). This was more like the work level I expected at PT! Then, as a last gift and promise of soreness to come, I had to lie on a padded table on my non-surgical side with a 5# weight around my surgical leg ankle. I remember my mom doing ‘leg lifts’ like this when we were younger, while watching TV. Since I haven’t done these in… years, and I now had this fun 5# weight added, this was by far the activity that caused the most burn! 3 sets of 15, and I thought my leg was going to fall off at the butt! I laughed to myself wondering how this helped my knee exactly, and wondered if maybe my new friend Drew had decided for me that there were some other ‘problem areas’ for me to work on?! :)

Once I was done, I reminded him I’d be back on Wednesday morning at 7am. “Oh, and I did have one question. Can I go to the range and hit some golf balls before my surgery?”

“Absolutely not. That’s just the twisting and pressure you want to avoid in your knee before surgery.”

[With my tail tucked between my legs] “Well, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask.”

This sudden stop of all sporting activities is going to be a lot harder than I thought. Meanwhile, at least I’ll have PT to focus on, and perhaps I can get back into yoga while I’m avoiding those impact sports I love so much.

Doctor Says... [27 Days Pre-Surgery]

2009-03-18T12:00:00.001-04:00

I had spent numerous hours online doing research, as well as talking to teammates and friends who’ve undergone ACL reconstruction. As I sent out emails I received overwhelming support (even if it did start out, “Man, that SUCKS!...”) and I also learned that many people I knew, who were athletic and active, had undergone a surgery for this very injury. All of this helped me put this all into perspective. I will get through this!! I am trying not to play it down as if it’s not a big deal, because it is! For this girl (who’s never had a broken bone or stitches, remember…) this is a major surgery on a major joint. That doesn’t mean I am going to let it own me.

So, today I met with Dr. Shapiro again, and my dad came along to hear the discussions on my options. (I must admit, bringing anyone, especially my dad, along seemed like a very 1st grade thing to do, but it was nice to have someone there to distract me while waiting, and chime in with questions I might not have thought of…)

Enter Dr. Shapiro, stage left: “[To me:] Hi Again. [to Papa John:] Nice to meet you. [To me:] Your ACL is completely torn. There doesn’t seem to be any damage to your meniscus or other tendons or ligaments, so that is good. There’s some bone bruising, but that will go away in a few weeks.” Dr. Shapiro sees a manila folder I brought with me and says, “So, what questions do you have for me?”

I was surprised, as I figured he’d dive right into my options, what he recommends and how to go about it. But he didn’t have to make any small talk because he remembered I said I was in any sport I could get my hands on, and knew I’d want to get right back to it. And so I began, “Well, from what I’ve found online….”

Dr. Shapiro and I agreed on the procedure Uncle Jimmy had mentioned to me- the patellar tendon graft. Since this was the surgery Dr. Shapiro does 110 out of his 150 yearly ACL reconstructions, I was confident that I would not need a second opinion or need to search for someone with more experience. He answered all of my questions (Yes, I’ll start rehab the next day… Yes, I can shower soon after… I can return to work in a week [Nah, let’s make it 2 to be safe, I said…]…) From there, he asked when I would like to do the surgery, and if I had anything coming up that I wanted to do before having surgery. I got a little smirk on my face and said, “Well, [Detroit] Tiger’s opening day is April 10… If I have surgery right away can I be well enough for that?” He immediately said no, because there’d be too much walking. That decided it for us- the surgery would be Tuesday, April 14, 2009…. “See you then!” he said.

We checked out and proceeded downstairs in the same building to set up some Physical Therapy prior to the surgery to (1) straighten out my leg all the way, (2) strengthen my leg/knee to help with recovery and (3) to get to know the trainer and the facility to be sure I like it! I ended up getting an appointment with Drew, who would become my physical trainer, to do a baseline and get some exercises from him to do at home. At first meeting I wasn’t sure what to think, but I figure it’ll take a few more sessions before I’ll understand his process and how he’ll be helping me through what’s going to be my biggest physical accomplishment to date. We set up a few upcoming appointments and I was on my way. With PT and Surgery scheduled, I still don’t think an understanding has completely sunk in of what I am going to be going though!

Official Results [33 Days Pre-Surgery]

2009-03-12T17:00:00.000-04:00

Thursday was finally here! Today I am leaving straight after work to head for Chicago and carry on the third year of our traditional St Pat’s Day celebration! Erica was flying in from Philly, and I’d be driving to Jordan’s apartment and we’d eventually be with Jen, Eric and Meagan too. It was bittersweet though- wanting to know so badly about my knee but also wanting to ignore it and be excited for my upcoming weekend!

I checked my cell phone around 930am and noticed I had a voice mail from Aunt Judy’s number. Turns out Uncle Jimmy had given me a call and before they ran off to Puerto Rico, I was to return the call. My heart was beating out of my chest as I dialed him, because who knows what he’d seen in those images?!

“So, what’d you do?” Jimmy said after we’d exchanged pleasantries… He may have meant “tell me exactly how it happened” but his emphasis on ‘do’ gave that hint of “How’d THIS happen?” I bucked up for it, told him my sob story (or, lack thereof) and he hit me with the news. “Well, from the images I was so privileged to see… you tore your ACL.”

Don’t cry. You’re at work, you’re 26, and you knew this might be a torn ACL. But no matter my inner monologue to my tear ducts, they welled up anyhow. Sports are my life outside of this cubicle I’m stuck in!

Jimmy and I discussed my options, how long I’d be out of work, and I said I’d try to get the official MRI report to him as soon as I could. I didn’t get it to him before he left for vacation, but I did have it faxed to me 15 minutes before I hit the road to Chicago- and it was just as we’d suspected…

To quote the MRI report: “The anterior cruciate ligament is blown out. There is grossly altered signal in its place…”

Needless to say, I had the next 4.5 hours to spend with myself and deal with the reality of my injury. I was jittery and nervous, for some reason. I think there may have even been an onset of a cold sweat. But I let the road sooth my jitters, and luckily it was a sunny and gorgeous evening, and I was on my way to spend time with people I knew I could lean on for support with the recent news!

Self Diagnosis [34 Days Pre-Surgery]

2009-03-11T18:05:00.000-04:00

It’s 10 days since the dreaded POP. No major swelling had occurred (but a little did), and I was slowly but surely gaining back range of motion, and trust, in my left knee. I iced it, rested it, elevated it… I sat out of my indoor soccer, volleyball and flag football games since the injury and I thought I was on the road to recovery.

I’d spent a lot of my time researching. I had been asking around of friends and family in the medical field, and also friends who’ve had knee injuries, as well as searching online … What could this POP mean? For peace of mind, I made a doctor’s appointment with a doctor who’d done knee surgery on a soccer teammate of mine, Jeff. I didn’t think mine was as bad as his, but I wanted to see someone with experience. [Jeff was injured in summer of ’08 and was back out playing ultimate Frisbee by November ’08. I had to trust his physician!]

I almost cancelled my appointment. I didn’t want to waste the doctor’s time, my time, or my medical deductible money just to have someone tell me, “Rest it. You’re fine!” But since I didn’t use my insurance at all last year and wouldn’t mind a little time away from work, I figured I would just go to the appointment and be done with it. I imagined walking in, telling my story and getting a cock-eyed look from the doctor as he said, “and you bothered to come in for this?” as we chuckled about it, shook hands, and rode off into our respective sunsets.

Cut to reality – An assistant leads me into the exam room, I’m told to put on paper shorts and that x-rays will be taken before I see the doctor. Thinking with my wallet I say, “ACTually, could I just meet with the doctor first? My injury was over a week ago, it’s feeling a lot better and I think it may be nothing. I don’t want to waste everyone’s time doing x-rays if I don’t have to.”
The assistant didn’t speak up right away, but the look she gave me said This is not how things work here! She started to say, “Well…” but luckily the doctor poked his head into the exam room and said (quite hurriedly), “HiI’mDr.Shapiro; What’sthestoryhere?”

I repeat what I said to the assistant, mentioned what I was doing when I hurt it and of the POP I heard, and the doctor agreed he’d examine me in a minute, sans x-rays.

One small step for me, one big savings to my medical deductible! Ha! I think to myself, try and scam me with your ‘standard’ x-rays? No way. Noooo way. Needless to say, I think I’ll be out of there w/in minutes of the exam.

The doctor eventually returned, and took a look at my knee. Sitting on the exam table with my legs extended out in front of me, he asked me to straighten them. “That doesn’t look very straight!” he said. I kind of chuckle, saying, “Ok ok, now just a second, it is still a little tender!” and I gingerly work it as straight as I can, nearly identical to my other leg.

“Hmm,” the professional said. “Now, swing your legs over the edge of the table”

The next minute and a half (read: felt like 30 minutes) were… unpleasant. I’ve never been scared of the doctor, but then again I’ve never gone in for anything besides routine check-ups. Fillings at the dentist is the biggest ‘procedure’ I’ve had, and while maybe those aren’t pleasant, I’ve felt I’ve conquered such visits, however insignificant, with bravery and dignity! Now, I understand why people are scared of the doctor.

First, Dr. Shapiro took my ‘bad’ leg, and tried to jiggle the lower half away from the upper half (holding the upper half stationary) like it was a loose tooth. PUSH-PULL-JIGGLE-JIGGLE-JIGGLE. All the while I am gasping and sucking in air through my teeth like it’s going out of style. POKE-PROD-“DOESTHISHURT?”-“STSTTST;YEAHKINDA”-POKE-PUSH. Sweet Jesus, thank god THAT’S over.

He does the same thing to my right leg. This doesn’t hurt nearly as much (nor am I as scared when he goes to do it). Then he spoke these words and my whole body shuddered: “Now, try to remember how this feels. I am going to go back to your ‘bad’ leg and repeat what I just did [WHAT?!] and you tell me if one leg feels more loose than the other at the knee.”

Please no, please no, please no. Oh maaaaan. NOO! I think. “Ok,” I say aloud.

I try to relax my body and legs (HOW?!) and take a deep breath. Dr S then proceeds to repeat the PUSH-PULL-JIGGLE sequence (see above) and I am thinking just break the damn thing off already!

Needless to say he felt the left (injured) knee was looser than the other, and he said, “I think you have an ACL tear. You need an MRI.” If it wasn’t torn before, it is now! I thought… But at this point, I didn’t want to disagree because that might mean going through that exam again. My eyes did start to tear up at this point, and I’m not sure if it’s because of the unofficial bad news I’d just gotten, or the cost of the MRI, or because after 10 days of recovery my knee suddenly felt like the injury happened just minutes ago…

The MRI
Luckily they were able to get me an MRI appointment for that morning, in the same building. After a long wait I’m told to follow someone into the room with the machine. We take a little lift up to the ‘control room’ of the MRI. It wasn’t like what I’ve seen on scrubs, and truly that’s all I had to go off of! But the staff was friendly and soon I was being slid into the machine with a setting around my left knee and headphones on my ears to try to drown out the noise of the machine.

A half an hour later I was out and had a CD in my hand which I was told had all the MRI images from my knee. I was to bring it to my next appointment with the doctor, and until then I just had to wait. When I went home for lunch I played around with the CD they’d given me, thinking I knew what I was looking at, when truly I didn’t. But it was fun to look either way!

After spending half a day at work looking for images of an MRI with a torn ACL, I was determined to self-diagnose. Once I was home and looking at the CD (and learned how to see ALL the images in succession) I found some key sections that looked exactly like the tears I’d seen online. This might be when denial stepped in and I told myself, hey, let’s let the professionals handle this, shall we?

Then it dawned on me. Uncle Jimmy! Of course! He’s an orthopedic surgeon, and I can send HIM the images and see! So, via Aunt Judy, I passed along the images and waited patiently for a reply…

The POP [44 Days Pre-Surgery]

2009-03-01T22:30:00.000-05:00

We're 2 minutes from the end of the second half of our flag football game. The other team hikes the ball, and their QB is weighing his options.
“ONE-lite, TWO-lite, THREE-lite, FOUR-lite….”
There is no way this QB is going to get past me if he tries to make a run for it. In an earlier huddle, Rachel (teammate on the co-ed indoor team Eric and I are playing on) said she overheard the other team’s player say that I was our teams ‘best player’ (Hey, I made a few good catches!) and that makes me want to do even better!
“Five-lite… GO!”
The rush count is up so if this QB doesn’t throw the ball soon he’ll probably try to run by us. I listened to Jack (our QB and captain), so I’m not going to rush this QB, I just will move side-to-side and not let him past the line of scrimma.....
*POP*
Ahhhh! My left knee! What the heck was that sound? That feeling?! Their QB threw the ball anyway, and no one else is around me. Jesus, I hope it’s nothing bad. Let’s see. I can bend it (mostly) and straighten it (mostly)… and the kneecap seems to be in place. OK! *Whew!* Let’s just sit here a second, make sure it’s all good. Yep, feeling kind of … different… but, no sharp pains, and nothing hurts enough even to bring tears to my eyes.

“Are you OK?” Rachel is probably the only one who notices I went down and stayed there. Everyone else was focused on the ball and when the play ended, they all went to the line of scrimmage. Slowly a few people start to realize, including Eric, and came over to see what happened.

“Yeah, I think I’m OK. I just heard my knee POP and felt it too. I can bend it and straighten it, it just feels kind of funny.”

“WHAT HAPPENED?!” Eric runs over just a little after Rachel, and I explain. I start to get up and Eric is clearly in protective mode, as he says, “No! Don’t move it!” and yells to Erin, the league coordinator, that we need an ice pack.

So, I sit for a minute, and the ice feels good but my knee feels… stiff. The only injury I can compare to is rolling my ankle, which I’ve done both ankles one or two times. A similar ‘pop’, a similar ‘stiff’ feeling and my brain has kicked in, not wanting me to move or jar the joint in any way. We’re winning the game so I am OK with sitting out these last 2 minutes (yes- the game was almost OVER!) … and I go to stand up.

“STOP. No. We’ll help you...” Eric insists on helping. I’m up and I start to hobble out-of-bounds, trying to put a little weight on it. Eric doesn’t like it, but it’s all I can do to think that maybe it’s nothing, just a simple slip in-and-out that created the POP, and since it doesn’t hurt that much, it can’t be anything serious… Can it?